America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Gets Bad News

Episode Report Card
Potes: B- | Grade It Now!
Death Becomes Her

Morning. It is cloudy. The girls pull up to -- you guessed it -- a cemetery. Kahlen folds over and starts crying. And that is pretty shitty. The girls walk out to meet Jay. Kahlen says she knows that this is just a coincidence ["yeah, sure it fucking is" -- Wing Chun] ["Dag, Wing." -- Potes], but she still doesn't feel like staying there. Jay -- who is wearing some a t-shirt with sort of a skull on it -- starts his usual blabbering. There is very dramatic music playing in the background, which makes him sound stupider than ever. He tells the girls that each of them is going to have to portray one of the seven deadly sins "while looking deadly gorgeous." He says that he hopes none of them are freaked out by tight, confined, creepy spaces, and Kahlen almost starts to walk off. She voices over that it took everything in her not to give up at that moment. Jay tells the girls that they are going to have to pose at the bottom of an eight-foot grave. Kahlen stares in horror. She interviews that she blanked out. Well, at least the grave isn't going to be filled with maggots. Small favors. We fade to commercials.

And the Cover Girl of the Week for an unprecedented sixth week in a row is Naima! I think it's because everyone knows she's actually too cool to be on the show. Except for those of you who hate her.

When we return, scary music plays, along with sounds of thunder. The girls stand around the grave where they will soon have to pose. Kahlen says that she's feeling a lot of pain that she had been able to suppress up until that moment. Jay introduces the girls to photographer Johann Wolf. Johann jokes that the girls all look too alive. Kahlen looks upset, and Jay asks if she's okay. Jay asks her if something is wrong, and whether she wants to talk about it. Kahlen says, "Nope," and steps away. A bit later, Jay asks Brittany if she knows what's going on, and Brittany explains about Kahlen's dead friend. Jay kind of feels like an asshole, and rightly so. He talks to Kahlen, who says she'll be fine. Jay tells her to take a little break before she starts hair and makeup. The rest of the girls get made up in ways both ghoulish and garish. Brittany -- who looks super-creepy and Bride of Frankenstein-ish -- is portraying "sloth." She wonders how she's going to make it look sexy. As she is put into the coffin and about to be lowered into the grave, Jay tells her that this is something that would appear in a high-end European fashion magazine. And I'm sure that's why all the high-end European fashion magazines are knocking down his door with offers for art direction positions. Jay tells Brittany to look high-fashion and not freakshow circus. As she is lowered into the grave, she says it's creepy. Jay yells, "Well, think of it this way: the next time you're lowered down, you'll probably be dead." That's sensitive. "Oh thanks, Jay," says Brittany. ["'Probably'?" -- Wing Chun]

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America's Next Top Model




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