America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Gets Kissed on an Elephant

Episode Report Card
Potes: B+ | 16 USERS: C
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Bali Chooses Two
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

We enter with the models post-elimination, heading back to their gorgeous villa, one room of which has been set up with pillows and candles on the floor. Is this going to be some sort of mating ritual featuring Marvin and Renee, the product of which is stolen by Tyra and raised to become the world's newest supermodel? If you see Tyra sporting a Beyoncé-style flattening bump in the next few months, be very suspicious. Chris sees this setup and thinks it's time to relax and just meditate. Well, technically it IS time to meditate on what a jerk he is, but we'll get to that in a moment.

Jeremy reminds us that Don and Marvin were in the bottom two, and poor beautiful Don was sent home. Don was generally liked in the house and it's a shame to lose him, but the real crime -- according to Jeremy -- is that Chris got to stay. Meanwhile, while everyone else congregates by the candles, Marvin is by himself outside being very sad. Nina, however, feels good about her status as two-time consecutive best photo winner, and is hearing voices telling her that she needs to be America's Next Top Model. Those voices likely belong to a producer, whispering to her to say that on camera. Chris tells us that he doesn't think Jeremy is a threat, given his very limited array of poses. Last week, apparently, his peers thought he looked like he was boning his leopard co-star. Is that necessarily a bad thing? Renee pipes in to say, "At least you're not a virgin in photos." Boom! Oh! And thought: maybe Tyra needs the blood of a virgin for her baby-stealing mating ritual? This whole season is finally starting to make sense.

And then Tyra enters in a flowy dress signifying that she's relaxed and of-the-earth now that she's back in Bali. The models quickly tell her that Marvin is upset and by himself on the lanai. Indeed, he is doubled over and crying. Tyra comes up behind him and puts her arms on his back, asking what's wrong. Marvin is so distraught that it takes him a minute to realize that he's being comforted by Miss Tyra Banks, and perhaps there's a chance that she'll hold him like a baby against her bosom. Renee doesn't know what to do in this moment, not because a supermodel is giving her man some soothing touches, but because seeing a man cry is very alien to her. Marvin is having a crisis about why he's there in the first place, as a janitor's son and how he's not proving his worth to the world by killing it in the competition. He's been in the bottom a bunch of times, and feels like he's squandering his chance. Tyra tells him that the judges obviously believe in him, and he can't keep having this defeatist attitude and "poor me I'm a janitor's son" narrative. She wants him to say, "I'm a frigging janitor's son and I'm going to rock this," which is quite a mantra indeed. Tyra reminds Marvin that he's special, and Marvin tells us that talking to Tyra about his feelings was like a dream. He goes inside with her and has a big wet spot on his shirt, which is either tears or jizz.

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America's Next Top Model

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