America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Gets Married Again

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Potes: B+ | 18 USERS: B
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Wack Wedding
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Previously on America's Next Top Model: There were dudes! Including love of my life, Phil. The sixteen XX and XY finalists were named, and learned they'd have to walk down a fierce Guess runway for CEO Paul Marciano. And that runway started at the top of the building. If they were really prepared to walk horizontally down the side of the building, their Spidey sense would have already been tingling.

We enter with the contestants freaking out about the building-scaling runway show, which they learn will also be their challenge. Tyra explains how challenge and photo shoot scoring will work, which follows the same format is last year: on both challenges and photo shoots the models will get a score from one to ten, and for the photo shoot the "fourth judge" will be we, the people. And how is it that I, who know all there is to know about America's Next Top Model, never know when the photos are up online and ready to succumb to my scathing votes? In any case, the judges' score, challenge score, and social media score all added together will determine who goes home. It is VERY scientific, obviously.

But back to the challenge proper! The ladies are a little alarmed by the fact that they'll be wearing heels, and Tyra tells them that it's mind over matter. Is it REALLY, though? Don tells us that his one fear in life is heights, and asks God to be with him. I think God abandoned this show sometime around when Toccara got eliminated. Remember how she used to keep a rotisserie chicken by her bed? Convenient midnight snacking is next to godliness. And… credits. Judging by the new opening, the theme for this cycle is "Eyes Wide Shut." Fidelio!

After the credits, Chris S. is the first model we hear from, which means he's sure to be a goner. He tells the girls to watch out, because he's taking the competition. Chris S. declares himself to be a southern rebel who's quirky and energetic, and says that he started modeling at fourteen. Peaked early, eh? We then hear from Bianca, indicating that she also is clearly a goner. The editors need to mix up the formula once in a while. Bianca has been modeling for as long as she can remember, has uber-cute hair, and lacks a fear of heights. She tells the boys to watch out -- advice they will not heed, because they all want to bone her. We then hear from Mike, certain to have a disastrous week but squeak through on the strength of his ice cream service skills alone, who tells us that he dropped out of college after his first semester and started touring full-time in bands. And then of course he wound up on the ice cream truck, which is a subliminal clue to stay in school, kids. He never considered modeling, but when you're scouted by Tyra Banks, you give it a shot.

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America's Next Top Model

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