Tyra Mail! "Are you ready to be deflowered? Love, Tyra." Well, I did just turn thirty-two. I guess I am! But only if it gets me a spot on The Tyra Banks Show. Commercials.

And then, oh, it's Jaslene's Life as a Cover Girl. Jaslene talks to the Lifetime Network, because she wants to get involved in the fight to end violence against women. It happened to her, she says, and if she can help inspire women, it's an amazing day. Well, it's great that she's lending her...fame...to a worthy cause, though I might actually try partnering with an organization dedicated to fighting violence against women, rather than an organization best known for keeping Meredith Baxter Birney employed. But good on her.

The girls head to their photo shoot, somewhere in the mountains. Ooh, maybe they'll get eaten by bears! The chances of this actually seem decent, because in their shoot for the week, they'll be posing as various flowers and plant life. If the bears don't work, maybe they'll run into a maniac recluse with a giant weed whacker? French import Lionel Deluy will be the photographer for the week. Christian and Sutan work on making the girls suitably floral.

Bianca is up first, and in better spirits. She says it took a lot for her to get used to her lack of hair, but she's working it. She's a sunflower. Jay says that Bianca was amazing on set, and sometimes it might take a complete emotional meltdown to build yourself up. Janet the hydrangea is next, and Jay tells her the body language is great, but her face needs to pop. Sutan gives Heather and Chantal their assignments, which are "weeds" and "baby's breath" respectively. Of course. Chantal tells us that she loves baby's breath and thought it was a great one for her. ["Baby's breath is filler. It's floral white noise. You can't love baby's breath. Chantal is stupid." -- Miss Alli] Heather simply says, "I'm a weed." It's time for her shoot, and Jay tells her that weeds attack your garden, so she should look sort of mean and fierce. Heather interviews that everyone else gets to be a princess and she gets to be a witch. With the green face and all. But take heart, l'il Heaths: on this site, we all love the witches.