America's Next Top Model

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Where Have All the Flowers Gone?
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Previously on America's Next Top Model: The girls had a taste of Nurse J.'s "bedside manner" as they learned how to walk in straitjackets. They then climbed to the heights of fashion as they posed on a rock-climbing wall in fancy dresses. While some girls looked like they were born to hang from a harness, Kimberly scaled the heights of disappointment as she was sent home.

We enter at night, with the girls talking about how tough the competition has become. Victoria says it's really hard, because she's not a model. She tells Lisa that while the others probably have wanted to be models since they were little girls, she's wanted to be a model for three weeks. If that, really. She interviews that she does want to be America's Next Top Model, and has to take this opportunity and run with it. She adds that she's never been a "not try" kind of girl. Trying, maybe. But not a "not try" kind of girl. Still, I think we all know how far the girls who don't really know if they want to be models get.

Bianca says that she needs to focus more, because she doesn't want to leave. She's really enjoying herself, she says. And how could you not if you were beating down the other bitches one by one? It's like a day at Disney World. Bianca talks about how terrible it was to be in the bottom two. Meanwhile, Janet tells Saleisha to be glad she got through and wasn't in the bottom two. She adds that if you can get through the competition without being in the bottom two, you make it to the top. Saleisha replies that she's never going to be in the bottom two. Oh, delicious foreshadowing! I want to have you with a side of fries. Janet says Saleisha doesn't know that. Saleisha cocks her head and says she doesn't think Janet heard the words coming out of her mouth. But I bet Tyra did! Good luck, sucka.

Tyra Mail! "Like a butterfly, a true top model must be willing to undergo a little metamorphosis." That's right, it's makeover time! I don't think the butterfly comparison really holds up, unless you're really going to get Jose Eber or someone to sew a little stank blonde weave on a caterpillar. I mean, the caterpillar would be fierce, though. Legsamillion!

Cut to the Ken Paves salon, where dreams come true! Unless you are Britney Spears. And unless you were hoping to get extensions that weren't from the Jessica Simpson line. Tyra and the Jays greet the girls and introduce them to the big TV screen that's going to show their photos now, then doctored photos of them showing what they'll look like with their new hair. High-tech! Tyra says that Ambreal is so elegant, and an elegant woman can handle almost no hair. Ambreal voices over that she's fine with this change. Her hair looks so cute now, though! Bianca is next. Her stank red weave is going to be replaced with one of Beyonce's hand-me-down weaves. It's in a box to the left. Sarah has a strong face, and so is going to get a lesbian haircut. I'm sorry, I don't know how else to describe it. Tyra says they want to give Victoria the edge that she deserves. I don't know what that edge is, as the doctored image on the screen makes her look not that much different, except that maybe she looks like a child of the corn. Well, more like a child of the corn.

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America's Next Top Model

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