America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Goes Ballistic

Episode Report Card
Potes: C- | Grade It Now!
You Go Back, Jack, Do It Again

The Cover Girl of the Week is Eva. One particularly astute viewer notes, "She puts the 'Eva' in 'Deva.'" Thanks, Jennifer R., third-place runner up in the Pocatello spelling bee! (Also known as the "Pocatello Spell-O.")

And now it's time for runway training school with J. Alexander! J. tells Eva that she looks like she's chewing gum between her legs. He tells Yaya that she's slow as hell. "Kristi" looks dead, and is serving a plig team in a bowl of nothing. Yeah, I still don't know what he says there.

The girls put their lesson to the test in a "private fashion show" for Heatherette. It was at this point in the episode that my dad, who was watching Top Model for the very first time, said, "Boy, are there a lot of freaky people on this show." We see Amanda's hilarious tongue-rolling on the catwalk. The girls walk in their crazy outfits. Eva says that she loves runway. Norelle falls. Others laugh. Norelle is good-naturedly distressed and says, "Thank goodness I fell by a pole."

J. visits the girls and announces that Eva is the challenge winner. Eva does a booty dance and yells, "In your tall bitches' face!" The other girls were not happy. Jennipher confronts Eva in the hallway, and there is some yelling. And then, Jennipher pushes Ann. Ann says, "Don't ever touch me again or else you will get knocked out." Jennipher says, "I'd like to see it." At this point, my dad just laughed heartily. Eva confronts Jennipher again. She asks why her reaction to winning the challenge was rude. And at this point, Yaya -- whom nobody has asked for an opinion, mind you -- says, "I didn't think it was rude, I thought it was hilarious." Eva starts to say, "Thank you," but Yaya continues, "Not hilarious in the way that you should say thank you. Hilarious in the way like, 'Oh poor thing, she feels the need to not just feel good about herself but put other people down.'" Yaya, go suck an umeboshi. I can't believe that all of my early hatred was focused so squarely on Amanda. The editors really held out on the asshattishness of Yaya until mid-season. Speaking of which, we get no footage about the crystals. Bastards.

Before the next shoot, Toccara asks J. for some advice on how to make her walk less bouncy in the boob area. He tells her to walk toe-heel, rather than heel-toe. Toccara and Ms. J., as many forum posters have pointed out, should totally be in a road-buddy comedy together, or in the new UPN version of The Odd Couple. They are the cutest. ["I so agree. I bet J. cried when they cut Toccara. He really seems very attached to her." -- Wing Chun]

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America's Next Top Model




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