America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Goes Ballistic

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You Go Back, Jack, Do It Again

Horsy Foreign Model: [despite the fact that she is from Spain and is totally lying] With Thanksgiving tomorrow, I will be cooking and eating pretty much all day.
Small Orange Man: [looking uglier than usual, even for him] So keep your beauty look kitchen-proof with waterproof mascara that won't melt, and pressed powder to keep you looking fresh.
HFM: [as if reading the Book of Revelation] Great ideas! What else?
SOM: [thinking of other activities that would test the durability of the lipstick] Well you'll need a lipstick that holds up from morning coffee through pumpkin pie. Cover Girl Outlast in Cinnamon Stick will be perfect, don't you think?
SOM and HFM: [in unison] Have a beautiful Thanksgiving, everybody!

I'm sorry, but I don't find "Wear lots of makeup that you will have to chisel off at night, or dissolve via a formaldehyde rinse" to be a very good tip.

The girls get a visit from another ugly stylist, Rebecca "Grimley" Weinberg. She says that Amanda looks cheap, that Norelle looks too young, and that she would like to nail Ann. She butts heads with Yaya when she calls Yaya's wardrobe "exotic." Yaya later complains with her little slit eyes of evil, "I hate the word 'exotic.' With a passion....Don't exoticize me. This is me, I'm not some animal in the jungle. Don't look at me like I'm in the zoo." She then snarls in the fashion of a hungry hyena.

The girls work out again with Savvas. Some of them mimic his accent. He says, "Are you guys gonna stop making fun of me or what?" Later at dinner, some of the girls mimic his accent again. Yaya admonishes them in a superior tone: "I just can't wait 'til we travel and when everyone here doesn't speak the language and you can feel what it feels like, 'cause it's not cute." Yaya? Tell it to the umeboshi. Ann snarls at her, and Yaya shoots Ann the look of death. You guys? Yaya is the worst. And I can't say that I actually wish ill or physical harm on any reality-show contestant, but it does please me to know that Yaya has to watch these episodes and see how insufferable she is, and know that others view her as a total jerk. She also has to be Yaya, which seems like punishment enough for anyone.

The girls mosey to their next photo shoot, where they meet special guest star Harry T. Rantula. Eva admits to being an arachnophobe, and shows no great joy at posing with Harry. Ann also struggles to take a good photo, which is not unusual. Toccara seems to be losing some of her "signature sparkle." Eva cries and is a bit of a mess, but she is able to finish the shoot despite her fear. She is proud that she got through the shoot, but disappointed that she showed her vulnerability. We see some bonus footage of Harry hanging with his handler, Yolanda Saldivar. Harry tells her that he thinks it's time that he get some real representation, at this critical point in his career. Yolanda freaks out and tries to rip off one of Harry's legs. He goes to talk to Tyra about it, and admits that Yolanda has been abusing him for years. Tyra recommends that he call an abuse hotline, but Harry says that he is afraid. A bit later, Tyra is hanging out in the bathroom and talking to her mom. She feels bad that she can't do more to help Harry. Tyra's mom says that it's okay, because what can you really do for someone who has eight legs and shaves none of them? A sad-looking Tyra says "Yeah, I guess you're right, Mommy."

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America's Next Top Model




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