America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Goes To Texas

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The Yellow Hos Of Texas

And then, Monique. Nigel and Tyra say a few nice words about her, and then Tyra notes that Monique's making it all about her sickness, when sick-making factors such as stress and pressure and fear and the like probably play a role. ["Especially when her sickness was dehydration. Hello, it's called drink some water, crazy. You bring that on yourself!" -- Wing Chun] Miss J. dramatically waves his hand around. And then, the greatest thing that the judges have ever done (except maybe for the time Janice molested Tyra) happens. Miss J. starts pounding the table and gospel-singing a song called "She Don't Want To Be Here, Send Her Home." The whole panel starts pounding the table, and then Tyra starts singing, and even Twiggy gets a line. Tyra is, of course the loudest, perhaps because she wants to remind us why she's no longer pursuing a recording career. Nonetheless, the whole bit is awesome.

The girls file back in. There are eleven. But in a few moments, there will be ten. These bitches are safe: A.J., Jaeda, Brooke, Anchal, Michelle, Melrose, Megg, Amanda, and finally Caridee, who says, "Thank you for believing in me." Tyra snaps back, "Oh gosh, Jade." Cut to a "thank you for believing in me" Jade montage. Oh, I miss that delusional bitch. So this leaves Eugena and Monique. And Monique goes home! Yes! But also, nooooooooo! Who will do the crazy shit from now on? Ah, well. ["Oh, someone will. This show abhors a bitch vacuum." -- Wing Chun] Monique is characteristically ungracious and walks right out without hugging the other girls or Tyra. Monique says that Melrose is going to have a party at Monique's ouster and will "bust out the celebration hats and horns." It totally makes sense that, at parties where Monique is from, people wear horns. That's the part Monique hates most, because she doesn't want to give Melrose the satisfaction of her leaving. See, that's totally her problem. She's way more focused on the bitchery with Melrose than she was on the competition, and got wigged out. She says that the whole experience was a waste of time.

Coming up: lots of girls in the shower which, for some reason pisses off Melrose. ["See?" -- Wing Chun] And then Melrose talks shit about Anchal while Anchal is listening. D'oh!

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America's Next Top Model

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