America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Goes To Texas

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The Yellow Hos Of Texas

And then, this. Monique and Eugena are doing their hair. No wonder Monique feels like she has free rein to do all sorts of things, when her initial archnemesis rolled over and became her lapdog. Monique says something about having musty arms, which is a great lead-in to her noting that Melrose thinks Monique's a big monster. Monique wonders what Melrose would do if Monique went over to Melrose's bed and made a big sawing motion. Monique asks Eugena, "You dare me to? You dare me to?" Eugena does not dare her to, but perhaps a little voice in Monique's head does. Hey, whatever works. Melrose settles in for a good night's sleep, unaware of Monique's nefarious plans. Monique laughs like the maniac she is and says, "I'm gonna take my undies and rub them all over the bed." Eugena says, "You are so bad." Really, the only appropriate response in this situation is "Bitch, what the fuck is wrong with you?" And then Monique actually takes off her underwear (or perhaps her bathing suit bottom) and runs, under the cover of darkness (until the camera crew shines a spotlight on her), and, indeed, rubs her underwear on Melrose's bed. And as my girlfriend pointed out, Monique has kind of just let us know that she has some nasty, crusty underwear. Because otherwise, the whole thing just wouldn't work. To which I say: grody.

Melrose pops up and notes that Monique just wiped something on her bed. Jaeda wakes up to note that the whole thing is icky. Monique runs back to Eugena and says that she, indeed, rubbed it all over Melrose's sheets. I can't believe I'm typing this. Wing, can I please start recapping, like, Masterpiece Theater or something? ["You say that now, and then you'll get to the scene in Pride & Prejudice where Elizabeth shoots a snot rocket at Miss Darcy and beg me to give you Top Model back." -- Wing Chun] Eugena, to her credit, looks pretty horrified. Monique cackles like the person in that "They're coming to take me away, ha ha, hee hee," song. Sadly, no one is actually coming to take her away. ["Yet! Spoiler." -- Wing Chun] Jaeda reiterates that Monique is gross. She interviews that Monique is crazy, and that all the girls are afraid that Monique will do something like chop up all of their clothes. Caridee interviews that Monique is capable of anything, and says she hates that Monique is in the house. Anchal wakes up to say that she is afraid Monique might come in the middle of the night and throw lemonade on her. They're in fear for their lives, and the worst thing they can think of that Monique might do is throw lemonade on them? I mean, sticky, but still. Monique continues to do her hair and says to herself, "Yes, yes, yes. What else can I do?" Hold me through the commercials, everyone. I'm scared.

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America's Next Top Model

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