America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Graduates

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Stay In School, Bitches

Back at the house, there is Tyra Mail. "Ready to flaunt your assets?" Ooh, suggestive! CariDee excitedly wonders whether they'll be wearing lingerie.

The girls get to a theater, where make-up artist Sutan comes out looking like he's playing the Liza Minelli part in an all-tranny version of Cabaret. He says that this is his altar ego, Raja. Michelle, having recently embraced her inner gay, loves it. Sutan tells the girls that they're going to be taught the fundamentals of being sexy. This gets a big whoo. And then he introduces them to his good friend, Miss Dita Von Teese. Wow! I have to say, that's some guest star power. It almost makes up for what happens later. Dita comes out and does her martini glass routine. Brooke interviews that she was praying that they wouldn't have to do a striptease, because her dad would die. Melrose helpfully tells the other girls that Dita Von Teese is married to Marilyn Manson. Eugena is all, "WTF is wrong with these honkies?"

After the performance, Sutan and Dita reemerge. Dita is, like, tiny. You could seriously fit her in your pocket. I don't know what she'd do in there, though, so you might just want to enjoy Dita-In-Your-Pocket in private. Dita tells the girls that in burlesque, you don't want to look like you're trying too hard; it's all about subtlety. You know, lying naked but for a feather boa in a big martini glass. Subtle. She tells them to pop a little hip, and to use props. And that is just what they do.

Anchal up is first, and has to sexily caress herself with a sunflower. It is kind of a riot. Dita says that Anchal seems a little insecure, and could be more confident and comfortable with being sexy. Sutan tells her that she could use the prop more, and Dita tells her to consider lying down on the floor with the flower. And you could do all this in a photo shoot, too, she says. Michelle is next with a riding crop. And I love the twins, but sultry they are not. Michelle says that she's used to being a tomboy, so it's a weird feeling. Dita shows her how it's done, and Michelle is all, "Hell yeah." Melrose is way over the top. Also, what the hell is she wearing? Eugena has pom poms and does a pretty good job. CariDee says that Eugena doesn't show a lot of emotion, but you can tell that she has the look and the body. Then there is Jaeda, who says that it's harder to be sexy knowing that she has short hair. She tells us that she would always work her hair, and get it into her face. Well, that's why everyone thought she was the prettiest girl in school. She gets on the floor with her feather boa.

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America's Next Top Model

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