America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Graduates

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Stay In School, Bitches

The girls get made up. Anchal is really nervous because the other girls have perfect bodies, which she imagines would give a person more confidence. Well, yeah. The girls walk down the runway table wielding serving platters. Cathy says that Eugena tried too hard and worked her tray too much. When on earth do you ever get that particular criticism? There is Amanda with a fan, who stumbles a little. Then Michelle, who has a riding crop. What kind of dinner item do you serve with a riding crop? I mean, Jesus, see what she can do with a bowl of hot soup or a stuffed pepper. That's what I call a challenge. If you can believe it, the dinner guests are actually eating. I would be so afraid that something would fall off of the girls and into my soup. Like a cootie. Jaeda comes out with a boa, as does Brooke, who tries to focus on staying engaged rather than being uncomfortable. Have I mentioned that the girls are dressed like streetwalkers? Because they are. Then there is fucking Melrose with her fan. She does a great job, and Cathy knows it. Anchal comes out, and someone says that her face is stunning. Cathy notes that Anchal does not have a typical runway body. Finally, there is CariDee, who looks like a stripper per usual.

Kylie and Cathy give the girls their critiques. Kylie likes CariDee's energy. Anchal's body has to be in better shape for runway. Melrose had a great personality and flow. Brooke wasn't convincing and didn't know what to do with her scarf. The winner of the challenge will get an editorial spread in Seventeen. Oh wow, that is a good prize. And it is my sad duty to inform you that it goes to Melrose. Oy. The other girls are not so happy about this turn of events. Melrose interviews that the other girls can hate on her all they want, but she doesn't care because she won the challenge. CariDee sulkily interviews that if Melrose was the best, great for her, she won again. I hear that a recurrence of psoriasis can be caused by sour grapes, Miss CariDee. Melrose gets to pick three friends to be in the shoot with her. See, Melrose's habit of winning challenges would be enough for me to pretend to be friends with her. She picks Brooke, Michelle, and Amanda, who will really just serve to make her look older. Eugena mocks Melrose's enthusiasm for winning the challenge and calls it stupid. Sour grapes aren't a known acne-fighting agent, Eugena.

Melrose notes that it's ironic that she's the oldest one and she's doing the Seventeen shoot. The girls get to the site of their shoot, where they meet Atoosa Rubenstein, editor-in-chief of Seventeen, also known as Beaky Schnozzalot. She introduces them to style director Beau Quillian, also known as a judge on the first season of ANTM, who does not have a speaking part in this episode, and photographer Jeffrey Jones. The shoot will be featured in Seventeen's October issue, in an article about taking a cute outfit and making it a little bit sexy. Brooke tells us that today was really comfortable, because she got to be herself -- energetic, smiley, happy Brooke. I can't wait until the next half hour, when she will become wise, bitter, angry Brooke.

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America's Next Top Model

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