America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Grates

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Water, Water Everywhere

Then it's time for Amanda and Caridee. Twiggy loves Caridee's photo, and says that she really looks like she's dancing. Miss J. makes a display with some castanets. Amanda's photo is really good, until Nigel points out that her feet are twisted around in some sort of non-human way. Twin #2 has some mad double joints. Amanda then shows how she can turn her leg around so that her foot is pointing backwards. Twiggy is horrified. I am horrified, too. It's freaky, man. Miss J. then asks Amanda and Caridee to dance their flamenco dance. Nigel says that he felt Amanda's embarrassment when Caridee decided to flip around and do something different. Tyra tells her to play it off. She's not expected to be a professional flamenco dancer, but she is expected to look like one in a photo.

This, of course, leads to a story about how Grandma Tyra was in a Victoria's Secret fashion show way back in 2002, when you had to walk uphill both ways to school, and they told her that she was going to do flamenco dancing on the runway a few hours before the show. Tyra worked with a dancer who showed her some moves, but she couldn't remember them when the show started. So she ad-libbed. And looked like a straight fool, even though she says that the audience loved it. I think they really loved how her chest was about to pop out of her bra. Miss J. then actually gets up out of his seat and tries to demonstrate how to ad-lib some moves if they get thrown off. Then Tyra comes out and says that she wants to dance with Miss J. Miss J. is all like, "Fool?" But he dances with her anyway. They both look like morons. Tyra loses a shoe, which becomes some parable about how she is the best model ever, of all time. Girl, please. Naomi Campbell would have picked up that shoe in the middle of the dance and spiked Miss J. right in his nappy head. That's modeling.

We finally get back to the pool photo. It's great. Twiggy says that it's lovely, and looks like it's from a high-fashion magazine. Nigel says that Amanda has a great face, but that he still feels like she's "just there." Oh, please. Her face is the best out of all of them. Tyra says that she was impressed with Amanda, because she didn't know how to float, but then took a couple of notes and became "someone who knew how to float." To achieve such a high level of proficiency in just minutes really is a feat of which we should all be in awe. Amanda's issue, however, is her scarecrow-like hands and elbows. This is true. She's all right angles. David tells her to control her body. Tyra says that she was impressed with Caridee, because she didn't stop floating. Even when she was shivering, she never looked cold in the photos. Nigel asks how the pool was for Caridee, and she says that it was really cold and her body was kind of freaking out, but when it came time to take the pictures, she wasn't cold. Tyra says that's great, but as a model you have to know your limits and step away from the situation if needed. Unless you're sick during a photo shoot and decide to opt out of it, in which case you're not trying hard. I mean, not that we don't expect her to be a bundle of contradictions, but man. Miss J. just says, "You'd never know it," meaning that Caridee has done a good job.

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America's Next Top Model

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