America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Has Surgery

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Down At Snaggle Rock

A shot of Tyra as a paper doll in big bloomers (a.k.a. her actual underwear) welcomes us to judging. Brooke is wearing a lovely black dress. Prizes, judges, etc. Pascal Demeester Seester is the guest judge. There is no bullshit challenge, so the girls go straight to their critique, which will be based on both photos. Furonda's shot is pretty great. Twiggy says that she wasn't sure whether Furonda was photogenic when the competition began, but that she has really developed as a model. Nigel says that they're looking for someone who can improve. Furonda's doll photo also gets raves, despite the fact that there is a tiny doll face down in her puss. Seriously, you guys, it's so weird. Furonda looks really good otherwise, though. Who knew?

Brooke is next. I think her crying photo is good, but Miss J. says that he thought someone who cries so much would do better. Tyra says that Brooke was not a pleasure on set, because she was so nervous and in her head. Twiggy says that she knows in her heart and soul that Brooke has it in her, but that she doesn't have it in her doll photo. Twiggy says that it's very frustrating. Tyra agrees that she loves Brooke in person, but that her photos have been a disappointment.

Joanie's crying photo is great, and Tyra says that it was a pleasure working with her because she understood how to express anguish while remaining pretty. Twiggy says that her photo could be in an art book or a fashion magazine. Joanie also nailed the ventriloquist photo, and Nigel notes that her teeth look a lot better. Joanie cheerfully tells the judges what she went through in a way that doesn't minimize the hours spent in the dentist chair, but also doesn't come off as complaining. Nigel gives her a "well done."

Danielle refused to have her gap closed, Tyra says, and asks Danielle whether she really thinks she can get a Cover Girl contract with a gap between her teeth. Tyra tells Danielle that the gap is not marketable, and is a little mean about it. Danielle says that a little closure is okay, but that she doesn't want it completely closed. Miss J. says that she just left a gap wide open for another girl. Danielle's crying photo is pretty, but the judges see a lack of deep emotion. Her marionette photo gets raves, though.

Jade Wordsworthless is next, and Twiggy says that she sees anguish in her crying photo, which is beautiful. I simply feel anguish when I look at Jade. Jade then does about the dumbest thing imaginable. Yes, even dumber than that. Or that. She looks at the photo and starts "crying," saying that when she looks at the photo, she sees pain, and that it's real. She is so full of shit. Seriously, she can barely squeeze out half a tear. The girls behind her give some choice looks. Tyra then totally calls her on it, saying that she isn't normally one to question emotion, but that when Jade teared up, it seemed like bad acting. The other judges agree. Miraculously, Jade suddenly seems totally unemotional. Nigel says that when she started tearing up, he looked behind her at the other girls and saw eye-rolling a-plenty. Jade says that she knows how she is inside. Rancid? Jade adds that she's dealing with so much "torrent." Sigh. Tyra says that Jade thinks that the opposite of arrogance is submissiveness, but, for the judges, it is being exuberant and grateful. As in, "Thank you so much Tyra! May I give you a bikini wax? No, by all means have my last rib! I wasn't hungry anyway! You look so gorgeous and sad and innocent with barbecue sauce all over your face! I hope one day to achieve the same level of perfection in my modeling career! And hey, your talk show is really good!" Even though the judges hate Jade, they have to admit that her mannequin photo is pretty great.

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America's Next Top Model

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