America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Has Surgery

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Down At Snaggle Rock

Dr. Falcon tells Joanie that they'll be removing four teeth tonight. FOUR TEETH! TONIGHT! Holy shit. I have to give Joanie some major props right here. Dr. Falcon more or less tells her not to be alarmed when she sees her mouth after he's done, because it's going to look wack with all the extractions and the filing. Tomorrow, she'll return to the dentist's office for a set of temporary veneers. I assume that this is because it takes a while to make the real veneers, and not because Tyra is leaving her with some nasty filed down teeth and a pack of Chiclets to cover up the stubs. Joanie says that this is something she'll never forget, and that it's definitely going to change her life.

Dr. Falcon sees Danielle next, and asks whether she sees anything wrong with her teeth. She notes that her gums are receding on her front teeth. Oooh, I have gum recession on a few teeth, and I must go see a specialist about it, but have been putting it off, because YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU GO TO THE DENTIST. Argh. Dr. Falcon asks Danielle about the gap, and she says, "I love the gap." She tells us that the signature gap is staying in her mouth, and that it's a part of who she is. See, I love that she has confidence in the gap, and I totally thought that Tyra would be like, "Girl, you get points for being proud of who you are and owning your dental defects." We'll see if I was right. Hint: the answer is no.

Meanwhile, the other girls get laser whitening. Though it still entails the gross effects of dentistry, it is like seeing a preview for Wedding Crashers before settling into Schindler's List.

Joanie lies on the dentist chair, as Danielle holds her hand. Dr. Falcon tells her to breathe through her nose, and then yanks out a tooth. It is so disgusting, I don't even know how to explain it. Danielle looks totally horrified. A caption tells us that it is 6:11 PM, then 7:00 PM. The doctor keeps pulling, and at one point Joanie says, "I felt that one." Oh my God. Danielle asks whether her teeth are that long. It is true -- the teeth look crazy with the roots. And they're all bloody and shit. It's really, really nasty. Joanie holds her arm up from the dentist chair, and says that the snaggle is no longer. I half expect it to grow legs and a brain sitting there on the dentist's tray, and grab that sharp little tartar scraper thing and kill them all. The snaggle is big enough to take the lot of them. And the snaggle shows no mercy. Joanie interviews that the whole process was a lot of work and a lot of stress, and says that she also has to get up in the morning and be a model. Man, that is harsh. Then, at 10:26 PM, we get the filing. And honestly, if you thought the pulling was gross, this is even worse. Joanie interviews that she had all of her front teeth ground down to pencil points. I didn't know veneers entailed quite so much. The Veneers Association of America should sue, because this made at least me vow never, ever, to go through this process. Time passes, and there is more drilling. The sound! The sound! I can't take the sound! First clowns, and then this. It's almost too much to handle.

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America's Next Top Model

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