America's Next Top Model
America's Next Top Model

Episode Report Card
Potes: A- | 557 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
I Just Called To Say "I Hate You"

There is Tyra Mail. "Every morning, I have to have two glasses of fresh squeezed O Jays to get me going. This morn, I suggest you do the same." "Morn"? Is Tyra Mail now being written by Robert Herrick or something? "Ne'er dost I greet the e'er blooming morn/ But that the cock sing'st tales of bitches just for thee/ Arisen that their locks be thither shorn/ They dwell in e'en greater bitchery." Next week, look for Tyra Mail prepared especially by John Donne. The girls figure out that the Jays are going to have something to do with the whole shebang. For their sake, I hope that "freshly squeezed" is metaphorical.

It is the next morning. Alarms are ringing. Monique confessionalizes in a somewhat aggressive manner that she was upset that four or five alarms were going off, because she needed to get her beauty sleep. Dude...just get up. What is her problem? She says that she woke up on the wrong side of the bed. When it comes to Monique, the only right side is the one teetering dangerously on the edge of a cliff. Anchal can't take Monique's bitchiness. You and the rest of the world both, sister.

The girls head off in their giant gas-guzzler to a restaurant called Olivier, where the Jays await them. Jay Manuel, who is wearing a whole lot of fluorescent pink (natch), says that they're there to chat and have some breakfast. One of the girls notes that they thought they were going to get makeovers. Miss J. says that everyone always talks like they're excited about the makeovers, but when it comes down to it, someone always ends up crying and shit. Jaeda then says, "My hair grows so fast. I don't care, shave it." I imagine Tyra seeing this footage and cackling with glee before flipping through the Star Jones Wigs catalogue for inspiration.

Jay says that he wants to talk about the girls about drawing on their past experiences to motivate their modeling. For instance, when Jay is modeling, he likes to think about how he was wrenched away from Loompaland and forced to work in a factory after his parents were attacked by a pair of vermicious knids. He notes that Megan has a similar tale of woe, and says he admires Megan's strength of character. Megan says that she's always been an optimist, and knows that she will survive anything. Except the second episode of America's Next Top Model, Cycle 7. Oops, spoiler alert! Jay says that it's hard to tap into a place of vulnerability, but that doing so will help their photos immeasurably. And with that, breakfast is over.

America's Next Top Model

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