America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Hates Her Hair

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I Just Called To Say "I Hate You"

In Dani(elle)'s life as a Cover Girl, she has a go-see at new ANTM sponsor Seventeen magazine. And what does an aspiring model wear to a go-see? Why, Cover Girl Wetslicks, of course. Dani(elle) says, "It gives me a high-beam shine, but at the same time it feels like a balm." Feels like a balm, shines like a beacon. Nothing about smelling like cupcakes? I'm disappointed. As I'm sure you predicted, Dani(elle) is going to be in the magazine. She says in a Ben Stein-esque painful monotone, "I'm so excited, you don't understand." What happened to the charismatic Dani(elle) we loved? I think that the little-publicized fourth component of the Top Model winner's prize is actually a lobotomy.

We return to more bitchery about Monique. Melrose says that everyone needs to stop responding to Monique. Brooke says that eventually she'll get so fed up of being the most hated girl in the house that it will be miserable for her to be there. Oh, please. Monique feeds off of that shit. Monique interviews something unintelligible, but infuriating nonetheless.

There is Tyra Mail. "It's time to wig out, pump up the volume, and get amped. Can you handle it, baby?" Anchal looks unsure as to whether she can handle it.

The girls guzzle their way to Siren Studios, where they meet Jay Manuel. He notes that Eugena won the Queen challenge, and that she, Jaeda, and Caridee will have a photo shoot. This happens. Jaeda ironically looks even more manly in a girly white dress. Eugena notes that the others might be a little jealous, but that she really doesn't care. Eugena's half-hearted efforts to be the season's biggest bitch really aren't panning out so well.

Jay says that it's time for the funnest photo shoot ever. They have flown in some special guests to do some of the most crazy, outrageous hair that the world has ever seen. Jay tells us about hair shows, like Hair Wars, that feature giant, crazy wigs, often with moving parts. This is what the girls must face today. The theme for the day is "Does the hair wear you, or do you wear the hair?" Jay introduces the team of Weavologists: Mr. Little, Lisa B., and Weavin' Steven, who in fact looks like a gayer, whiter, yet wanting to be blacker Stephen Baldwin. The weavologists set to task, with some crazy results.

Monique has a big swoop and a trophy on her hair, which she says is because she's a winner. The trophy probably has one little person clawing another little person's eyes out. Jay tells her to sell herself, and not the wig. The photographer is Tracy Bayne. Monique does confoundingly well. Jay is surprised about this. Anchal is next, and Jay gives her kudos as well. Brooke has an American-themed wig, and Jay tells her to do something crazy or zany. She screams, and Jay likes that she did something that wasn't safe. Jay tells Amanda to use her great features to her advantage. She makes some crazy faces. Michelle says that, in her bird-like wig, she seriously resembled Toucan Sam. Heh. And also, true. Megan gives a wink. And speaking of Megan, she has spinning hair. Jay tells her to drop her shoulder, because it makes her look longer and leaner. He asks Megan what she's thinking. NOT ABOUT HER MOTHER DYING IN A PLANE CRASH, THAT'S FOR SURE! He tells her to recall their earlier conversation, and to find a vulnerable place. ["She doesn't need to find a vulnerable place. She's in one. She has hair with motors!" -- Wing Chun] Megan interviews that she didn't realize how hard it was to show emotion in your face, but that you really have to put yourself back in a certain time where you felt a certain way. Is it really necessary to take yourself back to a place of horrendous and painful personal tragedy when you're modeling a kicky wig with spinning parts? I mean, really? ["I'm saying." -- Wing Chun] Next is Megg. Jay would like to see her do something a little more quirky. A.J. apparently does well, despite the fact that she's been kind of a shit-slice this episode. Tracy says that Eugena had the attitude of knowing exactly what she was doing, but in actuality knew nothing. Jay loves Caridee's shots. Melrose does well, to the surprise and pleasure of Jay. He asks her where it all came from, and she says that's what she's really got. Jaeda, whose boobs look massive, struggles. She says something about getting angry, and thinking that showed in her picture. Jay notes that she isn't listening to him. He asks if she wants to go home, and says she has four frames to make a change. The four frames happen, but the necessary change does not. Eep!

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America's Next Top Model

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