The girls arrive at a huge, ornate theater lobby, where they are greeted by Tia Mowry of Sister, Sister, whom we saw at last week's party. You have to admit that these twins turned out a hell of a lot better than The Olsens. Tia is coincidentally on a CW show called The Game. If you haven't heard of it, it's because you're too busy watching The Search For The Next Pussycat Doll. Tia says that, as models, they're going to be doing photo shoots and commercials, and it's important that they be able to embody all sorts of characters. Tia is going to show them how to do this through voice and movement.
And, of course, through crazy hats! Tia tells the girls to act like and embody the characters that correspond with their hats. Natasha makes a really crone-y witch, and scares me with her evil cackle. Dionne has a hat that looks like it's from the south, so she says something about Alabama and fans herself. Whitney sexes it up in a leopard-print chapeau. She gets points from Tia for touching her lips and her body, which is what a sexy seductress does. I've actually had fingers surgically implanted onto my lips so that I can achieve this effect 24-7. Brittany has a jester's hat and does a somersault, landing in front of Tia. Tia commends her for not being afraid to be silly. Jael has a queen's crown on, and acts very regal. And then Renee has on a pioneer lady/Holly Hobby bonnet and gets all teary and slow-walking. Tia commends her, even though pioneer women were known to be fierce bitches who would cut you if you got under their wagon wheels. Jaslene has a big feathery drag queen mask on. She says she deserves to be America's Next Top Model, because these bitches are bleeeeeeeeeeeep. It's such a long bleep! I wish I knew what she said so I could use it in regular conversation.
Tia gives the girls a script, and tells them that they have two hours to memorize it. There are three different characters, and the girls have to give a different kind of emotion for each. The first one is a sensitive girl -- "a melodramatic Brittany type," according to Jael. Then there is a diva, and finally a perky, bubblicious model. The girls are all wearing hats and scarves, which either means that they are getting into character, or that the heat in the theater hasn't been turned on.