America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Impresses Pedro

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The Girl Who's Not No Fucking Lesbo

Meanwhile, Brittany is tapping her nasty-ass weave. It itches. Christian Marc, their hairstylist, comes over to take it out. The weirdest part of the whole thing is that Natasha practically molests him when he comes in the door. Down, Nata! Christian looks at Brittany's hair and mutters a French-tinged "damn." Whitney interviews that Brittany has been complaining and bitching and moaning all this time. She says that she's been wearing a hair weave since she was twelve years old, and that it's not that bad. Yeah, but white girls have no pain tolerance! That's why we're always crying when we break our nails. Christian finally gets it out and tosses it on the table, where it looks like particularly unappetizing roadkill. In any case, congrats, Brit-t-t-t!

The sun rises, and there is Tyra Mail. "Whatever you do, don't be yourself." Was this one addressed, "To Renee"? Someone guesses that they're going to be acting, and Whitney is thrilled. She interviews that acting is her forte, so she's going to show the judges and others that she's "a threat to this competition." The competition is shaking in its boots. It's not very good at acting. Brittany tells us that her head feels a million times better, and that she's not going to be in constant pain. It looks better, too. I mean, that weave was on the damaged rack at T.J. Maxx, you know? You might have gotten $5 off at checkout, but it wasn't worth it. Natasha says that she's enjoying being there, but that it's hard because she hasn't seen her "beh-beh" for so many weeks. We see Natasha on the phone with her baby, Angelina, and then get a picture. That is one cute-ass child, with the most gorgeous big blue eyes and little rosebud lips. Angelina says, "Meaaaaheaaaaiee! Maaaaaaiiiiiiiiheeeeee!" which means, "Don't believe Renee! It's all for show!" in baby Russian. Dionne is also having a hard time being away from her daughter, Ta'Kya. Didn't Ta'Kya sing the '80s hit "Heart And Soul"? Ta'Kya looks about two, and her photo shows that Dionne's patented "What the hay-ell?" look is hereditary.

The girls arrive at a huge, ornate theater lobby, where they are greeted by Tia Mowry of Sister, Sister, whom we saw at last week's party. You have to admit that these twins turned out a hell of a lot better than The Olsens. Tia is coincidentally on a CW show called The Game. If you haven't heard of it, it's because you're too busy watching The Search For The Next Pussycat Doll. Tia says that, as models, they're going to be doing photo shoots and commercials, and it's important that they be able to embody all sorts of characters. Tia is going to show them how to do this through voice and movement.

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America's Next Top Model

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