America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Impresses Pedro

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The Girl Who's Not No Fucking Lesbo

Next, it's Jael's turn. She tells Sutan that she realizes she'd better shape up if she wants to stick around. Her infamous moment is Rebecca fainting. Oh, that was a good one. I'm enjoying this trip down memory lane! Rebecca comes out wearing a really ugly shirt. It's so loud that I can't tell if she's looking good or not. Anyway, in the shot, Jael is the one who's fainted and Rebecca is helping her. Jay has to tell Jael not to make it too sexy. He interviews that she didn't analyze herself, and thus went all over the place. Hmm, that doesn't seem like part of a greater pattern for Jael. She was grabbing at Rebecca, and Jay says that they almost looked like lovers, which was NOT the intent for the scene. Overall, it doesn't seem like Jael's best performance.

Brittany is up next. Her infamous moment is "Hey, there were twins on the show." The twins come out. Oh, yay! They are in long tube dresses that aren't particularly flattering, but in general they look exactly the same. I've lost my ability to tell them apart, sadly. Brittany poses in the middle of the two of them and kills it, as usual. Michelle and Amanda interview that she is their sister from another mister. In the makeup room, they tell her that the judges love a positive attitude, and that she shouldn't second-guess herself -- just go for it. Jael, meanwhile, asks Shannon if she's done a lot of work. And Shannon actually has! Good for her.

In the makeup room, Natasha and Dionne coach Renee on how to be Joanie getting her veneers. Okay, that is a moment that I had no interest in reliving. I always point to this episode as a cautionary tale when I hear anyone expressing a desire to get veneers. That shit is nasty, man. Joanie comes out, and she is to play the dentist to Renee's dental patient. Ha! Dental patient. Just one letter from the truth. Jay says that Joanie almost stole the show, when it was really Renee who needed to pop in these shots. Renee tells Jay that the judges told her to ugly it up, and he replies, "Trust me, your shots are not pretty." Oh, SNAP!

And then there's Dionne. She interviews that she has to portray Sarah kissing Kim in the limo. Oh, remember the season of rampant lesbianism? That was a good time, too! Or at least, it was to some people. In the words of Dionne, "And I'm like, 'Hold up. I'm not no fucking lesbo.'" And see, this is where I thought Dionne and I might start to have some problems. Dionne tells Jay that she thinks she's going to have problems with this one. He asks why, and she says that Kim was really boyish and dorky-like. On cue, Kim walks out. She takes being called boyish and dorky-like all in stride, which is really a lesson to lesbians everywhere. Dionne is all, "Hi, nice to meet you," and shakes Kim's hand. Kim says that she's going to have to get a lot closer than that, and Dionne gives her a hug. She then interviews that a hug is okay, but that she's not down with "that kissing shit." She says that she doesn't even kiss her own damn boyfriend. How convenient that a stork delivered Ta'Kya so she would never have to!

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America's Next Top Model

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