Mary earnestly says that she has never wanted anything more in her life, and that she feels it with all her heart and soul. Estela says that winning the competition would be a blessing for her and her daughter, and would change everything. Tiffany says that she's so happy to be there, and is used to failing at everything and having people doubt her. See, I like to think of my model wannabes as going out to buy new lip gloss upon being rejected, and not heading back to the women's shelter. If I wanted to see this shit, I'd watch Lifetime. (And don't you think for a minute that Meredith Baxter-Birney wouldn't play the hell out of the part of Tiffany.)

It is time to announce the finalists! Tyra is wearing a tight tank top that places her boobs right under her chin. The handier for placing a bucket of KFC upon, I say. The final fourteen are: Rebecca, Hideous Christina the Head Louse, Keenyah, Brita, Naima, Noelle, Michelle, Sarah, Brandy, Brittany, Kahlen, Tatiana, Lluvy, and finally, after much grandstanding...Tiffany. Tiffany instantly collapses to the ground, and then starts hopping around, and generally acting like a freak. In the losers' line, there are tears. One of the girls who we didn't see at all earlier in the episode says that she's happy for Tiffany, and that she wanted Tiffany to get chosen. I am so sure. Tyra hugs all of the girls, and when she gets to Mary, Mary breaks down. She tells us that her heart is broken, and that making it that far and being shut down twice is beyond comprehension. Tyra tells Mary that she can't let this break her, and that Tyra has been where Mary is right now many times. Tyra went home and cried on her bed, but then she got up, and eventually somebody is going to say yes. More accurately, someone is going to say, "Yes, I can super-size that." Estela says that she and her daughter will still come out on top, and that she wishes all of the finalists luck.

The fourteen finalists are happy. Tiffany says that she went from America's Most Wanted to America's Next Top Model. The photos of the final fourteen grace the screen, and we fade to commercials.

Coming up on ANTM: Janice, Nigel, and Nolé dress in cop uniforms to play fashion police and/or beat some bitches up; the girls appear to live in something of a rough neighborhood; and the attitude of two girls during their makeovers pisses Tyra off. Please, Tyra, throw a glass at Christina!