America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Is A Lady Kat. Reow!

Episode Report Card
Potes: B | Grade It Now!
Normal Is Boring

Jay doesn't like Brandy's weave, but Tyra loves it, because she has no taste. Lindsey is a model from the neck down, but Marie Osmond from the neck up. Brita is beautiful and might fit in with the trend toward glamour in fashion. Miss J. loves Sarah's face. Jay loves Estela's story, but says that's not good enough reason to bring her into the house. Miss J. says that there's so much deadly walk in Estela, and he thinks she has something. She does have something, and it is a penis. Rebecca is a clean palette, but Jay thinks that she's a bit actressy. Miss J. loves Lady Kat's body and face. You can tell that there's a "but" there, but they cut before we can hear it. Jay says that they can build on Tiffany and make her more versatile, whereas Lady Kat will give them one thing, and that one thing is, "Reow!" Tyra and Jay love Mary's booth photos, but Miss J., ever the voice of reason, says, "Yeah, but I don't think it's fair, Tyra, when you put one girl to compete with other girls that are not the same size." I think Miss J. is retroactively sticking up for his girl Toccara. Also, I bet he's sick of Janice's yapping about the fatties.

Mary earnestly says that she has never wanted anything more in her life, and that she feels it with all her heart and soul. Estela says that winning the competition would be a blessing for her and her daughter, and would change everything. Tiffany says that she's so happy to be there, and is used to failing at everything and having people doubt her. See, I like to think of my model wannabes as going out to buy new lip gloss upon being rejected, and not heading back to the women's shelter. If I wanted to see this shit, I'd watch Lifetime. (And don't you think for a minute that Meredith Baxter-Birney wouldn't play the hell out of the part of Tiffany.)

It is time to announce the finalists! Tyra is wearing a tight tank top that places her boobs right under her chin. The handier for placing a bucket of KFC upon, I say. The final fourteen are: Rebecca, Hideous Christina the Head Louse, Keenyah, Brita, Naima, Noelle, Michelle, Sarah, Brandy, Brittany, Kahlen, Tatiana, Lluvy, and finally, after much grandstanding...Tiffany. Tiffany instantly collapses to the ground, and then starts hopping around, and generally acting like a freak. In the losers' line, there are tears. One of the girls who we didn't see at all earlier in the episode says that she's happy for Tiffany, and that she wanted Tiffany to get chosen. I am so sure. Tyra hugs all of the girls, and when she gets to Mary, Mary breaks down. She tells us that her heart is broken, and that making it that far and being shut down twice is beyond comprehension. Tyra tells Mary that she can't let this break her, and that Tyra has been where Mary is right now many times. Tyra went home and cried on her bed, but then she got up, and eventually somebody is going to say yes. More accurately, someone is going to say, "Yes, I can super-size that." Estela says that she and her daughter will still come out on top, and that she wishes all of the finalists luck.

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America's Next Top Model




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