And then, Brittany. She walks in and yells in a J. Alexander voice, "Hello! How are you fabulous people doing today, because I know that I'm doing very well thank you!" Miss J. asks if she's a Red Bull addict, and she says she's always crazy and off the wall and dying to be the center of attention. Miss J. says, "I ain't mad at you." She tells us that she loves big hair and thinks she was a drag queen in a past life. I actually kind of think the same thing of myself (not to mention the fact that Cher is my biological mother), but I stopped telling people that around 1999, when even drag queens themselves realized that they were over. The Cher bit I still strongly believe and will tell anyone who will listen, in hopes of getting her to come and reclaim me. Please, Mom? I've been waiting so very long. Brittany tells us that maybe she should get a sex change so she can do drag. At least she would actually need a sex change, which is not true of some of the testosterone-laden contestants we shall soon meet. Brittany says that she already has the voice, and then goes, "Hello. I'm manly Stanley," which is pretty funny, especially since she sounds a lot like Bea Arthur. She walks in a bikini, which shows her smokin' bod. Jay says that he'd like to put Brittany and Janice in a room together and shut the door. We see precious footage of Janice grinding on Nolé. More Janice! More Janice!
In walks Tiffany in some frilly peach number which, we see, is quite the change from her ghetto ensemble of last season. Flashback to Tiffany shedding tears about being sent back to the ghetto, where she learned how to steal and she learned how to fight. In the ghetto. And her mama cried. Tiffany says that she realized she needed to change, and no longer engages in bar brawls. If this is the truth, then why even put her on the show? She says that she took an anger-management class, and that she's now a happy person with a great boyfriend and someone to help take care of her baby. She cries as she tells us how happy she is. She says something about how she sleeps with her baby in a twin-sized bed at home, and then tells us that her grandmother didn't pay the electricity bill so that she could buy a bathing suit for Tiffany's ANTM audition. And her electricity was cut off. And then her roof caved in and she was forced to find another cardboard box in which to make her home. And then she was riddled with head lice. Who banded together to steal all of the cat food she was going to eat for dinner. I mean, I feel bad for poor people too, but come on. Jay says that Tiffany grabbed her problems by the reins, and that he truly believes that she wants to change her life. But, he asks, can she be a model? Um, no. I mean, look at her. And I'm sorry, but if you really want to change your life and better yourself, I don't know that going on a reality show is the best plan. Or a plan at all, for that matter.