America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Is A Lady Kat. Reow!

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Normal Is Boring

Pool party! Girls swim, dance, play truth or dare, fall into bushes, and take off their bikini tops. Lluvy notes that some girls were doing pole dances, which she felt was not the way to go. Hey, it worked for Cassie. Brittany runs around topless and tells us yet again how crazy she is. I have a feeling this is going to get old fast. Rebecca says she felt no need to take off her clothes, and wonders if the wild-acting girls are really like that. She says it should be interesting to see what happens from here on out. Commercials.

The girls prepare for a night out. The 21-and-overs get to go to two of L.A.'s hottest clubs, and the under-21s get a mystery trip. The older girls go to the White Lotus, where they drink and dance. Lluvy says it was especially nice to "get some fresh air." I didn't think there was any fresh air left in L.A. The youngsters end up at their final destination: the bowling alley. Come on, bowling rules! ["I'm well over twenty-one and I'd much rather go bowling, because it totally rules." -- Wing Chun] More footage of Brandy, who is still hideous. The oldies drink it up and dance seductively. "Here's to being twenty-one!" toasts Brittany. Noelle says that the youngsters ended up having a blast, probably because they realized that the drinking and dancing only accentuated the crow's feet around the eyes of the already ancient hags. "Here's to not being as old as Betty White!"

Back to the panel interviews. Lady Kat enters the room and walks straight toward a wall. Miss J. says, "You walk in here like you're nuts." Ha! He is the greatest. Her proper name is Jessika, and she's twenty-one, from Houston, Texas. Tyra asks why she calls herself "Lady Kat," and she says she has long nails. Okay, then. She asks if they want to see the cat walk. She then crawls on her hands and knees, and licks her own hand, which she says tastes good. Tyra and the Jays laugh nervously, like you laugh when a drunken homeless guy with head lice (read: Tiffany's grandmother) starts talking to you on the street. She says she doesn't know how tall she is, so Tyra stands next to her so they can figure it out. Lady Kat touches Tyra and jumps up and down, and if I were Tyra I wouldn't go near her without security. She is a freak.

Next is Sarah, twenty-one, from Baltimore, Maryland, who tells us that she was always a tomboy. We see a photo of a teenaged Sarah, who sports some kind of a mullet. She says that her older sister always told her she was ugly. Her sister might have been on to something there. She is a self-professed late-bloomer. The judges think she has a great waist, great skin, and a big personality. Next up is Lluvy, who says she's very nervous, and is wearing a formal black dress. Tyra asks if the dress is hers, and Lluvy says it belongs to her sister. Tyra says she knew it. Oh, great and omniscient Tyra! Please help yourself to another Crisco Surprise to celebrate your wisdom. She sends Lluvy back to change into jeans and a t-shirt (which says "Me So Corny" and is adorable), and Lluvy is thankful. Lluvy says that she was something of a wild child, which culminated in gang membership. She says she was an angry and sad kid with a lot of resentment, and hates to talk about her gang years. Her dad died when she was three, and it was his wish that she be a model, which I think is weird. ["Me too. Did he want her to be a child model, like Jodie Foster was? She was three!" -- Wing Chun] Tyra says that Lluvy is great, and Jay says, "I love..." and you know he wants to say LOO-VEE, but then realizes that it's wrong, so he ends with, "...her." Ass.

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America's Next Top Model

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