America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Is A Lady Kat. Reow!

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Normal Is Boring

Tatiana tells us that the girls went to Griffith Park to try to de-stress. While some girls do cartwheels and generally enjoy the sunshine, others appear to have stumbled onto a bee farm, which they do not enjoy. Tiffany and Lady Kat are among the latter group. They take a walk together, and Tiffany tells Lady Kat to chill the fuck out. She words it in a nice, anger-management-class-sanctioned way, though. She says she sees a lot of the old Tiffany in Lady Kat, and felt it was her place to intervene and share some advice. I hate this kinder, gentler, no-edge Tiffany.

Back to the interviews. In walks Mary. Oh, this is going to end badly. She says that, having a second chance to become America's Next Top Model, she's not going to hold back her emotions like she did last time. She looks really pretty and stylish and well accessorized. ["She needs a better bra, though. That one really makes her boobs look saggy." -- Wing Chun] Tyra asks how she felt when she was rejected the first time. Mary says that it was horrible, because she had felt alive for the first time and like she was finally doing what she wanted to do. Miss J. looks at her with a blank face because he can't formulate an expression for someone so pathetic. What they didn't tell Mary was that a second chance to be on the show also meant a second chance at utter devastation. But more about that later. On cue, Rachel walks in. She is apparently Mary's plus-sized competition even though she doesn't look big at all. We get no age or hometown. She says that everyone is her competition, from the skinny Minnies to the zaftig Marys. She then says, "Anything I can do, I'll do it. As long as I ain't showing nipple, I'm good to go. My grandparents are dead. I have no one to disgrace." She's gross, but I kind of love her.

Next is Alexandria, nineteen, from Fort Collins, Colorado. She is wearing a hideously ugly short ruffled skirt, and just as I am about to make fun of how she talks, she says this: "Growing up, they kinda wanted me in Special Ed just because I had a really bad speech impediment." Way to make me feel like an asshole, Alexandria. She says that the short bus was always waiting for her. Tyra tells us that a lot of actors and models and, with special emphasis, musicians, had to ride the short bus to school. That certainly explains American Idol. Alexandria says she wants to do something extraordinary with her life, but has instead decided to audition for this show.

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America's Next Top Model

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