No fucking way! Okay, okay, I'm getting ahead of myself. So first, the girls work with a media coach and then go through a mock-interview with some guy from Vanity Fair who relies on the old journalistic technique of just being really mean to people rather than asking questions. Next, Danielle caves and gets the gap narrowed. In the end, it was a good move. She looks great. The girls go to dinner where one of the makeup artists randomly surprises them by appearing whilst in Tyra drag, because this show is not gay enough. Then Tyra comes, too, and announces that everyone is going to Thailand. Yay! Nnenna, as the winner of the interview competition, and Jade, as her partner in an unholy alliance, get treated to a day at a Thai spa, and the other girls must attend to them. Furonda is a foe of skin-on-skin contact, and so manages to massage Nnenna with one long, E.T.-like finger. The mermaid-themed photo shoot for the week entails hanging upside down in a fishing net at the floating market in Bangkok Also in the fishing net are, well, some dead fish. Sweet justice. It's a physically demanding challenge, and while Jade, Joanie, and Danielle shine, the rest of the girls aren't quite as impressive. And then, the moment you've been waiting for. The bottom two at Panel are Furonda and Nnenna. And, clearly, I know what you're thinking. But you're wrong! And I'm wrong! Because Nnenna goes home! I KNOW! And so we are left with a final five that includes both Jade and Furonda. Wrap your heads around that one. This show is magic.
Previously: Joanie got the snaggle removed and reminded us all why we're afraid to go to the dentist. Danielle refused to close the gap between her two front teeth. The girls had to cry and be beautiful in a shoot directed by Tyra, and we all laughed knowingly at the "beautiful" part. And Brooke went home, leaving an outraged nation to say, "Oh, okay, then." Six girls remain!
And before I start, a correction: last week I mentioned Jay's long-held desire to be a dentist, much like Harvey the Elf from the children's television special Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. As several astute readers have pointed out, the name of the gayest elf ever from Rudolph was actually Hermey. Yes, Hermey the Elf who wanted to be a dentist. Mea culpa. I most likely mixed up Hermey with stories that my dad told me about Harvey the Drunken Elf, who almost ruined Christmas by getting loaded and wrecking Santa's sleigh. Rudolph somehow conveniently saved the day. As my mom likes to say now, "I think your dad was probably half in the bag when he was telling you that story." Good times!
It is night at the house. A mock-scared-looking Furonda and Nnenna stand in front of Jade, who giggles. If I ever had to stand face to face with Jade, I would be scared for reals. Except then I would point and yell, "Your face is turning totally purple! I think your head scarf might be wrapped too tightly!" to distract her and quickly run away, just narrowly escaping doom. Turns out that Jade is impostering (at least, I'd imagine that's what she'd call it) Tyra, saying that she has only one picture in her hand and all that business. It's less amusing than you might think. She gives Furonda the picture, leaving Nnenna to be mock-eliminated. Remember this moment.
Nnenna interviews that Jade is her favorite person in the house. See, I told you Nnenna was sketchy. We see confessional footage of the two of them palling around together. Well, technically I think they're supposed to be "joking around," and the punch line is, "Please fall into a ditch." Sara interviews that, at first, Jade and Nnenna seemed like opposites, but as she's been getting to know them, she's noticed a lot of similarities. You guys, Nnenna is worse off than we thought. Nnenna says that she and Jade have formed a friendship, even though they are in competition, and just hope that the best person wins. They're both putting their support behind Danielle, then? All right!