America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Is A Model, Not A Masseuse

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Potes: A | 1 USERS: A+
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No, No, Nnenna

George Wayne is from Vanity Fair. Oh, goodie. He is also from the grand country of Foreignia, whose residents are always given away by their vaguely European accents and blue silk ties. He is also the much more annoying younger cousin of Bruce Wayne, and has long been thought to be the identity behind the sort of doughy, irritating, and useless superhero known as Gnatman. George says that if the girls have never heard his name before, they won't be able to forget it by the end of the evening.

Jade is first. George asks Jade what made her consider modeling and whether she thinks she photographs well. She says yes, she does photograph well, and that she can play with her age and versatility of looks. George tells us that when he interviews celebrities, he goes for the jugular in a good way. I wish he would go for Jade's jugular in a literal way. George asks Jade what's up with the head wrap. She says it's just the Jade style. Gnatman then appears on the scene, and busts out with, "You look like an arrogant bitch to me." Apparently he's been briefed. Jade says, "I'm sorry?" And Gnatman tells Jade she thinks she's Nina Simone. Jade says that she's trying to defeat the negative perceptions she's encountered, because she's very real and cool, and also -- you guessed it -- an exotic biracial butterfly. George says, "Interesting." He tells us that he's not afraid to ask tough questions because that's his job, and he thrives on it. Well, those aren't really questions; he's just being mean to them. Nonetheless, if he really thrives on his job so much, I triple dog dare him to tell Gwyneth Paltrow that she looks like an arrogant bitch.

More interviews. George asks Danielle what her worst attribute is. Danielle says she's stubborn and cantankerous, and so George follows up by asking her how to spell "cantankerous." Danielle can't spell it.

George asks Sara whether she'd give up her boyfriend for her career. Sara says that it wouldn't be all or nothing, because they have a strong relationship.

George asks Joanie to take down her hair and shake it around. She does. He says that she doesn't have any sexiness about her. She tries to seductively say, "I'm not sexy?" and he says not really. Joanie asks whether her hair is pretty. I can't understand his reply, but I'm sure it's pretty mean.

Next, George tells Furonda that she thinks she's the Queen of Sheba. Furonda says, "I've never been to Sheba," with such a straight face that I don't know whether she's being sarcastic or not. George calls Furonda a lioness, and she roars. Their whole exchange is weird and kind of gives me the willies. Maybe she's just feeling feisty after getting some sweet lady love from Raggedy Ann.

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America's Next Top Model

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