Makeovers! At the Tricomi Salon, a bunch of girls end up looking the same-ish, while Nnenna goes bald, Sara gets a cockatiel do, and Furonda is fashioned into Tiffany 2.0. And then there's Jade, whose obnoxious complaining about her shorter blonde poodle hair is matched only by her level of delusion. Once again, there's a whole lot of noise about personal style, and a celebrity stylist who appears to be Skeletor's Mini-Me executes a challenge that Nnenna wins (under the advisement of poor, useless Naima). Furonda hands out a printed list of house rules governing how to deal with her, while Jade also alienates her housemates, going so far as to demand to use the phone while Wendy is talking to her mom. Who is alive, by the way. Good times. The girls must endure a chilly photo shoot in which they half-nakedly pose on a set made of ice. In the end, it comes down to Jade and Wendy, and despite Nigel's proclamation that Jade needs to get laid, it is Wendy who must leave. In other news, Joanie has a mad snaggle tooth.
Previously: Gina was a huge dumb-ass in both public and private forums (but not on the TWoP forums, thank God), and Jade provided the uber-bitch counterpoint. The girls went "bald" for their photo shoot, and Kathy was blessedly eliminated from the competition, but not from the part of the hypothalamus that remembers funky-looking things.
It is night in Los Angeles. There is Tyra Mail, "Think about tonight's cut, because there will be more at 7:30 AM." Wow, they CUT right to the chase there. Har har har. They don't show the girls puzzling out the Tyra Mail because even the world's biggest morons could (and, apparently, did) realize that makeovers are imminent. Jade confessionalizes that, at the last judging, Nigel insinuated that she was arrogant. We flash back to Nigel getting scary-faced and telling her not to talk over the judges. That was no insinuation. That was a bitch-slap so powerful he didn't even have to use his hands. Jade says that she's a down-to-earth person, and just wishes "that people could see who Jade really is." No one who is genuinely down-to-earth talks about herself in the third person. And if Potes feels certain enough to commit that to paper (or the vast nothing-sphere that is the internet), you know it must be so. Gina interviews that she believes in karma, and that Jade is the recipient of some of the bad variety. If that's her karma from Week 1, I'd hate to see what will happen in the next fortnight.
As if to test fate, Jade sits in a bedroom with Sara and Furonda and talks shit about Gina. She says that Gina has a lot of personal problems, and that it shows. She adds that, if you're in a competition, you can't be weak-minded. Furonda -- who is wearing the Fluffy Tiara of Truth (it's so much more fierce than the Blindfold of Justice!) -- tells Jade that she was harsh on Gina. Furonda interviews that if Jade thinks she's found an easy target (in Gina, in this case), she's going to work it. Jade says that nobody's going to want a weak America's Next Top Model. Furonda says that she knows she's at the bottom of the barrel, but that if Jade comes at her with silliness, Furonda will deal with it. Furonda will cut a bitch, is what she's saying. The girls talk about how being on ANTM is a learning experience, and we discover that Jade is sitting in her underwear with striped knee socks on. As I always like to say: bitch, if it's cold enough for knee socks, it's cold enough for pants.