America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Is A True Miss Diva

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Somebody Does, In Fact, Put Wendy in the Corner

Meanwhile, Sara is on the phone with her boyfriend. She cries about her hair and calls it ridiculous. It is.

The girls go to the Gen Art fashion show. Real models walk and yet again remind us what a farce ANTM is. Wendy -- who looks a lot like a cross between Jennifer Beals and Toucan Sam -- says that she drifted away from the fashion show for a bit, because New Orleans was on her mind. The girls head backstage, where they get to rifle through the clothes racks and find their outfits. Jade says that she was still adjusting to the way she looked, and adds that she doesn't even look like she belongs on this planet. Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Neptune and Pluto all say, "Not it," in unison. Sara isn't sure about her style, and looks around in vain for hot pants. Take a trip in Furonda's time machine and maybe you'll be able to find them, sweetie.

Then, the worst thing happens. The girls head to a different location where they meet Rachel Zoe, anorexic stylist to all the anorexic stars. And I must say that, though I do a lot of shit-talking about ribs and such, I do kind of admire Tyra for her whole stance about real women's bodies and her willingness to, you know, actually eat. So I find it really strange that she has this leathery bag of bones on her show. She is terrifying. ["Not just leathery and skinny, but also the most mutton-dressed-as-a-lamb slag I have seen since Gale Leery. Someone needs to style Rachel Zoe in an outfit appropriate to her advanced age." -- Wing Chun] Rachel Zoe tells the girls that they each have fifteen minutes to put together their hair, makeup, and wardrobe. But they will have a little help...from Season 4 winner Naima. Good to see they're keeping her busy. Naima looks positively hulking next to Rachel Zoe. Like, she looks like she pulled Rachel Zoe out of her foot with a pair of tweezers. She does a little spiel about makeup, and tells the girls that today they'll be using the Queen Collection, Cover Girl's new line of makeup for women of color. Because there's nothing to make us forget about Naima's utter lack of success like putting Joanie in blackface. The winner of the competition gets a $5,000 shopping spree at Nanette Lepore. Good prize.

The fifteen minutes begins and each girl readies herself. Naima, who takes fifteen minutes just to get a sentence out, is no help in this time-sensitive context. We get a lot of junky testimonials about Cover Girl. Rachel tells everyone that their time is up. She judges each girl's look. Sara apparently found her hot pants. Rachel tells her to find the middle ground between appropriate and sexy. Sara tells us for the record that she would never go out of the house wearing such a get-up. Danielle is also looking naked. Nnenna is perfect, of course. Mollie Sue looks more like a sailor than mod. She is disappointed by this because she thought this was her competition. According to Mollie Sue, she is personal style. She also is old as Betty White.

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America's Next Top Model

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