Santa Bear enters the loft and tells the girls that a "surprise guest" will be interviewing them individually, and that the most charismatic and comfortable girl will win a shopping spree. Just like a girl, Xiomara muses in a confessional, "Where and how much?" Answers for Xiomara: "At the Port Authority." And, "However much it costs to buy an off-peak ticket to that station known as 'Outta Dodge.'"
Ha! It's the world's first supermodel, author (does that mean she wrote the Bible?), and my future partner on the panel at the elimination ceremony (people, I'm still waiting for my phone to ring, here) Janice Dickinson! She's the surprise guest! Jeez, that's keeping it all in the family, isn't it? Who cancelled? And, more importantly, shall we begin the thawing of Jim Nabors?
Xiomara is once again first, because first is the worst, second is the best, and Santa Bear is the one with the hairy chest. Because he's the only one who's graced this show's set who hasn't has it waxed to within an inch of being used as a functional Slip 'n' Slide. "Yesterday, you were taught how to make the most out of your personality," Janice tells us. "Today, I'm going to ask you a few questions so we can get to know the personality inside of you." Still having a little trouble grasping the vagaries of this week's theme. Anyone with me yet?
But who cares! Because the first thing Janice asks is, "What's the craziest place you've ever had sex?" In L.A.! I mean, you have to drive to walk and everything's made with cilantro. That place is crazy! Oh, I see what you mean.
Xiomara: "In a broom closet in high school." And then, after the janitor got what was coming to him, in a conjugal-visit trailer at the Morganville Maximum-Security Home For Wayward Civil Sanitary Workers.
Camille: "Stuck in a ferris wheel." Bet you never baby-sat for that kid again.
Catie: "I'm a virgin." So the craziest place she's ever had sex is "in the future." ["Also, I call bullshit. She just didn't want her parents to find out on national (sort of) television that she wasn't a nice girl anymore." -- Wing Chun] Nevertheless, Janice looks scandalized, as if half-expecting Catie to conceive immaculately and father the human manifestation of the lord. I mean, what other virgins are there?