Xiomara. Tyra starts things right off by telling her how much she likes "her toughness." She warns Xiomara not to act too feminine, because that would be too much like everybody else. Uh-oh. As soon as you start getting speeches of the "don't embrace the you of the present, embrace the you of when you finally get those crazy mutant alien teeth fixed" variety, you can start counting your seconds, 'cause there ain't that many more of them. Just don't count your teeth. Because that would take way too long.
Catie is still looking for her "comfort zone" and trying to be less of a "plain Jane." Yoanna and Tyra bond over how much they miss their moms. Camille says that this is the first time in her life that she's ever been called a "diva." ["To her face, maybe." -- Wing Chun] April thinks her calling in life is to be "a source of inspiration and strength to other people," and Tyra thinks that's even more of an inspiring comment coming from "a woman of color," to which April is all, "Wait, who is?" She reminds us once more, "I haven't been connected with my Japanese heritage, and I'm not going to pretend I have." Sara asks what to do about her dad, and Tyra thinks that might be "something [she] has to deal with," because that would be some kickin' TV right there. Shandi says she won't be going back to Walgreen's. Tyra tells Mercedes that she seemed to be throwing off some attitude at last week's shoot, and Mercedes promises, "I wasn't feeling well." Tyra tells her, "If you get eliminated, it's not going to be because you're tired at work." But if there's an attitude problem...she'll dangle on for weeks like Camille and be kept around in lieu of girls with ghastly physical deformities like ass fat or porn boobs or Martin Short's height while being injected into Dennis Quaid's bloodstream.
Hello, Sam Christensen, "personality coach." We walk into a studio room somewhere and are introduced to this gentle-looking gray fellow, possibly the only human being in history to walk a perfectly divided line between the dueling physical types of "gay-porn bear" and "department-store Santa." And what career qualifiers are there that lead someone to an announced vocation of "personality coach"? Is it BA in Psych and a failed MSW? Is it a major in "nerds" with a correlate in "revenge of the"? If he's Mr. Personality, is his wife Miss Congeniality? Yeah. Like he's married.
Today we're going to learn about "the magic of charisma," Sam tells us, meaning that they're there to learn things about themselves that other people see in them. Or something. Really, it's just a good exercise to say some twisted smack about one another. And, to that end, they're all handed sheets of paper with a million adjectives on them, and everyone has to mark off words they use to describe the other girls. Man. A career in modeling containing a contract to IMG and a campaign with Sephora all on the line (or, y'know, so Tyra sometimes tells us), and they still find a way to get these girls to write about each other in their slam books like it's some damned junior-high slumber party. Maybe the photo shoot later will be a girl photographed sleeping while the other models conspire to land her wrist in a bowl of warm water. At least if the ad is for Depends, there will finally be an actual intuitive reason for the aesthetic of the whole thing.