Shandi's audition video kicks off a rock block of unaired footage. We find her standing against a solid-black, never-altering hellscape of a background -- and for those of you who have never been there: yes, that is exactly what Missouri looks like -- wearing a shirt the exact same shade as her shrimp-y colored skin, her hair in pigtails, holding a microphone like she's about to ask us what the deal is with airplane peanuts. She tells us, "The reason I want to be the next top model is because I am tired of working at Walgreen's!" Good thing that the America in which she hopes to be a top model has a never-ending attention span that just can't hear that enough times.
"My flavor would be that I'm sassy!" Mercedes sasses sassfully. In the recipe of Mercedes, the secret ingredient...is sass! Or, as the French would say...sasseé!
Heather sits on an I-get-no-loveseat in front of trashy shades and tells us, "I just turned eighteen three days ago." Her run for top model may be long gone, but her days vying for America's Next Top Webcam Spam Subject Line place her in very good standing.
Jenascia tells us we can get a "college diploma, fast like now." Just kidding. She really doesn't. I just wanted to underscore the point that invisi-Heather can't win at anything, even at being a good spam subject line. In fact, Jenascia is standing just outside her shower, indicating a small, mesh, novelty basketball hoop and continuing on her lifelong tour of the numerous vocational opportunities at which Jenascia is too short to excel.
Anna exhumes herself from The Sonja Christopher Tomb Of Inconsequential First Bootees, pimping her poor child with her as she takes a tour of her house. Those homemaker plus-sizes with their children and their ideals and their adorable cellulite! Let's boot them first and prove that reality-show tokenism isn't just limited to black men on The Bachelor!