MONDO EXTRAS

Eleven strong, they show up at Industria Studios (775 Washington Street) and meet Nigel Barker, a British photographer who, with every word he speaks, thinks, "I am a British photographer." He loves being a British photographer, people. We learn that the shoot they'll be doing is for color contact lenses, the theme of which is "The Garden of Eden." The girls' bodies will be covered in jewels and paint, and other than that, they're calendar girls all the way. Looks are exchanged among the girls, and Nigels tells them, "You are going to be nude." Anna stares at her sketch drawing, a tousled set of vines entitled "Eve of the Sea." Are they stealing her outfit from the dance theme in Back to the Future? "I see we only have eleven," Nigel Barker is coached to say, and, sure enough, we kick it to Jenascia still asleep. Ring, ring, ring. No wakey-wakey for Jenascia. At 7:49, Jenascia rouses from her slumber, stumbles toward a still-ringing phone in the loft, applies aftershave, slaps her hands on the sides of her face, makes nine sequels, marries and divorces Rachel Miner, tries to get stage work, and tanks in Party Monster. Actually, what happens is this: she bawls. Some guy on the other end of the phone (a producer? A shoot coordinator? Jesus? Who is this guy?) tells her to get there "ASAP," but he pronounces it "AY-sap" in that way that makes me want to kill.

New! New! New! If you haven't seen it, it's new to you! This certainly seems to qualify. Jenascia and Camille sit at a table near the attending Craft Services For The Wildly Undernourished Catering Co. "I just didn't know that some people were that threatened by me," Jenascia confides in Camille. "Yeah," Camille's eyes seem to say. "Neither did I." Say, I didn't know Camille was allowed to talk to people on this show.

The four judges burn through all of the candidates, narrowing it down to who sucks because she was late and who sucks because she didn't do a photo shoot. No one much likes Anna's attitude, and Eric doesn't think Anna has a real idea of why she even refused to do it. The final work is from Nigel, who says that it's much more damaging to be late than to be prudish. Nigel has no freakin' say at all. Tyra gives a headshot to each of the girls who are to continue, and the final battle comes down to between Jenascia and Anna. Tyra berates Jenascia again and tells Anna she supports her decision. Then she chooses Jenascia. Bitches! Bitches all! I wonder why I was so mad about that. I think I remember some highly rational motivation like thinking "Jenascia" was harder to spell, or something of the sort. Also, because Jenascia called all of the other girls "bitches." Maybe that's what it was. Maybe I was just understudying for the role of Jenascia in the TV movie about her entitled A Short Life. Well then, I'd better take off my shoes. And my feet. And my legs, up to my knees.