America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Is Afraid Of Snakes

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During this latest break in the linearly-structured action, let us share a moment of silence for those Season 2 luminaries who should have made the clip package episode, but did not. Please don't applaud until the end. It's tacky. First, Betsey Johnson. Then that guy who teaches them boxing. And, third, me, on the panel, where I should be a sitting jury member for Season 3. People. It just makes sense.

Enter "Suzannah Galland," a self-styled "intuitive advisor." Ooooh, a psychic! And while I never gave that much credence to the horoscopes or any other ostensibly spiritual art one could find broken down by star sign into blurbs appearing below "The Family Circus" on a page marked "FUN!" in my local Newsday, it'll be worth it for the "it's like you've known me all my life!" reaction the girls will give to her platitudes about being themselves no matter what happens. ["No matter what others might think, I'm sure that this gifted professional wasn't given dossiers on each of the girls in advance. Though others might consider that a distinct possibility. Which I do not." -- Wing Chun] I went to a Halloween party with a psychic at it once, and she took one look at my costume -- which included a significant amount of white paint and black lipstick, but no, I wasn't a mime -- and gathered, "You aren't like all of the other boys." I was like, "Gee, what gave it away?" It was no Sydney Omarr telling me to cultivate my desire for romance by wearing shades of green and mauve, but it was still pretty good. And so is the good and great Suzannah, who takes Mercedes's birthday (8/24/81) and immediately busts out, "Your body's tired. Your mind isn't. Sometimes you want to do more than you physically can." All this and without one word from the producers! ["Exactly!" -- Wing Chun] "Camille...you put people off." All this and without one word from the producers! ["I'm saying!" -- Wing Chun] And now, suddenly, Yoanna loved her dead, fashionable grandma.. Sara asks her how her father is going to react to her becoming a model, and Suzannah responds, "He's gonna hate it, but he's gonna secretly love it." When he figures out that the part of Muslim religious doctrine about which parts of the woman's body are never to be seen in public is...what, a typo?

The Janice interviews started off differently, with Janice asking the provocative "If a photographer offered you guaranteed fame" if the models slept with him, would they do it? Yes. Except for the virgins. Those girls are good girls.

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America's Next Top Model

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