Intermission. If you've just cooled down momentarily by kicking back and downloading the "Shake Ya Body" MP3 off of the UPN website, well, then, you're the one.
Camille removes that sun-blocking eye-guard thing she sleeps with because she's a nineteenth-century grande dame of some kind, and voices over, "I woke up this morning and I don't know what's going on, but my mouth is, like, super, super-swollen and it hurts." Ooooh, a mouth stuffed with karma. Sounds painful. So that's the taste of having your cake and trying to eat it, too. Tyra brilliantly steps in to build a narrative bridge, voicing over in the nick of time, "Even though Camille was the one with the crisis, when it came to acting class, she was the only one to hold back her emotions." Two girls sit on stage and quietly whisper what the other person says. Sara weeps about her crappy, model-y father. Shandi screams "I hate you" to her dad, here understudied by Mercedes, I think. Everyone cries. There's an actual crying montage, which Shandi does a bit too well when she's caught mid-nose-drool without a tissue. Meanwhile, Camille sits in the empty room, her eyes fixed toward the top of her head and the intellectual part of her making a strong mental look, "Remember to look up 'bemused.' Because I think that's probably exactly what I am right now." Then Camille rewrites the script in acting class, and this time they've cleverly decided to toss up on screen the lines that she was supposed to say, which would be a lot funnier if we hadn't heard the other girls say them correctly last time. Because still and all, they're not even close. But since it's in the canon of amazingly funny lines that should be engraved in Latin across the top of the America's Next Top Model family crest, here it is again for those of you who haven't changed channels to, well, I don't have any idea what airs opposite this: "I focused my energy into sculpting. I even gave some away to charity." Awesome. Anyone for Rollitos?
After a dance lesson with Tony Michaels in which he pronounces Camille "illegal," Tyra pounds into the loft with four of "New York's most divalicious drag queens." Except one of them is wearing a skinny '80s tie and a fedora, so that doesn't even qualify him for drag queen status, does it? Another guy is also dressed in clothes that '80s glam rockers would have coveted but, mysteriously, he's not wearing any makeup. He looks like this guy who started a band called "Tangible Savages" when we were in junior high and sold t-shirts out of the back of his (brother's) Camaro for $6.66. Y'know. Because of Satan. And, okay, fine. The other two are drag queens. One of them -- Kevin Aviance -- watches two other guys (or, er, not? I don't know) on the runway and comments on their "eyes" and their "shoulders." Truly, they work it. The girls are then called to walk, and they don't do nearly as good a job as their male counterparts. Monsieur Aviance comments on Tyra's walk, calling it "a symphony." Oh, aren't they so superfabulous? Except for the part where they weren't even able to vogue themselves sideways into a real episode, and instead got themselves relegated to the bold print in an episode even this website is unable to determine if it's an actual episode or not? They weren't kidding when they said disco was dead.