America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Is Afraid Of Snakes

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Camille is wearing a yellow leather jacket, and when she hits the end of the runway, she unzips it. J. gets all incredulous and cries out, "Black girls always have to give that extra." Says the black girl in the lingerie t-shirt and heels. Reaction shot of Yoanna. Big turn by Camille. Eye-roll, all parties. J. then tells Yoanna that her walk "as useless as a flashlight with no batteries in the dark," and then likens her body language to that of a horse. Camille laughs the loudest, because she does not get the joke. Back at the ZoLoft, tensions explode, Camille yelling, "If I have things to say, I will say them to your face." To the house meeting we go, where Yoanna experiences a small psychotic break and screams, "I'm not finished!" when no one is reeeeeally trying to interrupt her. Camille wants to know where that anger comes from, and then they're wearing different outfits in what seems like yet another setting, Camille once again promising to say whatever it is she has to say to Yoanna's face. Just don't say them to her shoulders, because you'll make yourself blind trying to view them on a logical horizontal plane.

And now, a visit from Tyra "She's Super, Thanks For Asking" Banks, who arrives at the house to have some one-on-one rap time with each of the girls. Bethany wants "something to work on," explaining, "I can't do anything about my chest." Tyra contradicts with a quickie "Yes, you can," and I half-expect a plastic surgeon and an anesthesiologist to leap out from behind what we had thought was a brick wall and immediately start prepping her for some Moon-Frye Magic. But alas, no. The advice is based emotionally, not invasively, as Tyra counsels, "You're not the only model that has a big chest." Breastany again reissues her press release about people needing to look past the tits to the talent, and Tyra calls her on her attitude, reminding her, "No model is perfect." And then, the voice-over returns: "In the end, the judges decided that Bethany wasn't versatile enough for fashion modeling," Tyra tells us in that way that totally means "You've got the hair for Supercuts and the tits for porn. Go make your millions elsewhere."

End of Episode 2. Please take the time to walk to the lobby and stretch your legs. If, perchance, you happen to have the Blur song "Intermission" from their underappreciated "Modern Life is Rubbish" album, well, that officially makes you the coolest person I know.

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America's Next Top Model

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