America's Next Top Model
America's Next Top Model

Episode Report Card
Djb: B+ | 509 USERS: C+
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Mercedes Bends

And, Yoanna. She strides with confidence down the runway, which Dan and/or Dean calls "not good, not bad." Nigel thinks it's "a little stiff" because he thinks her troublesome midriff is getting in the way. Her "Helmet Newton" photo, however, gets raves from all. Tyra says Yoanna's photo is amazing, but that she needs to be a clutch player, someone who won't fail "when it's the championship and there's five seconds left." Which sport is she describing now, exactly? Modelball?

Aw, crap. Dan and/or Dean actually do invoke the power of the Wonder Twins, which makes me find them a little less terrifying and foreign. Nigel takes the reins, explaining, "I did the casting...for something completely different, and any one of these girls would have been better than any of the girls that I saw here." But he worries that Yoanna is just the head being depicted in the photo and nothing more. Tyra isn't impressed by her inconsistency. Janice points out the Mercedes "won the walking competition this evening." There was a walking competition? Was my passport stolen? Am I stuck at Customs? I PACKED MY BAGS. I AM GOIN' TO MILAN. JUST LIKE THE SONG TOLD ME TO. Eric likes Mercedes's "life experiences." Shandi is Nigel's favorite, but Eric worries that something has "stalled." Tyra notes that up-and-coming models don't look like Tyra anymore, because now they look like ladies. Janice complains that Shandi still can't walk. Tyra asks each of them which of the girls they think should be sent home, and Janice throws her head down on the dais because the '70s have come back for revenge and her vision has blurred so much she's seeing two of those creepy guys and both of them are made entirely of denim.

And back in they walk. Tyra taunts that there are three beautiful girls left but that there are only two photos. And the first one goes to Mercedes, defying many expectations that it would be a head-to-head match-up between the other two. Tyra dramaturges: "This picture right here saved your ass, girl. 'Cause if you had a hint of a smile in your eyes, you'd probably be going home tonight." Shandi and Yoanna will please step forward, eyes down. Tyra tells Yoanna that she started off strong and Shandi started off pretty weak, and that they both "fell apart in this room." Just like the camera operators hired to capture the action that is determining who is about to be one of the finalists. And that finalist is Yoanna. ["And that sound you hear is my sister and me shrieking our relief." -- Wing Chun] Shandi takes her leave of the room and, in a confessional that seems to take place immediately, tells us that she's come so far and won't feel lost and insecure when she goes back home. And that she feels really good about her boyfriend being together in the future. And that's it. Gone. Our little flower. Little bird. Little Chavala. No. I'm fine. It's just some dust or something. Go away. I'll be right out. Jesus. I'm fine, okay?

America's Next Top Model

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