America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Is America's Next Top Model

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Mercedes Bends

Over at a nearby table in the shadow of declining religious doctrine, Dean and/or Dan asks why they should book Mercedes instead of the other girls. She responds that it's because she is "fun and funky" and they are "pod people." Er, I mean "fun and funky." Shandi draws a somewhat specious comparison between their clothing -- which she notes comes "from real life" -- and her "realness and originality." Yoanna loves fashion and says some things about it I don't understand, which means she is a quick study and has learned the language that twins teach each other, which is apparently what Dean and Dan have been speaking. They then ask each of the girls who their favorite designer is. Yoanna shoots back, "Marc Jacobs," because that's what everyone was saying because he was able to make Sofia Coppola look like she wasn't twelve until she showed up in those flats and then no one said Marc Jacobs anymore. Mercedes says the name Betsey Johnson because she'd never heard of any designers besides the ones she met on this show and god help her if she can remember the name "Carmen Marc Valvo" without flashcards. Ditto Shandi, who invokes the good name of Betsey as well. Dean and Dan correct all three of them: "If a designer ever asks you...learn to lie." Shandi responds that she thought they really wanted to know, and Dean and/or Dan shoots back, "No one ever really want to know anything." Either that, or he says "Mealy-mouthed jean jacket lovers never have to explain themselves with everything." You decide which one you think makes more sense. I know I have.

At the DSqaured2 showroom, each of the girls is outfitted in some of their clothing, and even Mercedes believes that all of the clothes look better on her than on either of the other girls. Shandi concurs, but Yoanna pulls off the most random trucker's hat that makes me believe she is either being Punk'd or is the host of Punk'd.

Tyra Mail! Tyra Mail! Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor the girls from The Shining with their genders reassigned (sort of) all grown up and working as fashion designers can keep away the Tyra Mail. This one explains, "You have a very big day ahead of you. Today you will meet with the judges and only two of you will continue on with the hope of becoming America's Next Top Model." Okay, and can I say something? In this episode, they have to go from three to two and then pick a winner. And, say what you will about him inventing a genre, if this show were in the plodding hands of Mark Burnett right now, this episode would have been two hours long, filled with thoughtful reminders of the weeks gone by, lots of sitting around musing, lots of reminding their gentle audience of the stakes, lots of "if I win, that means little Timmy can get his facial reattachment surgery after my misguided, overly rough game of 'Got Your Nose.'" But here? Oh, no. Here we're wasting no time, and even Shandi seems to have one eye on the editing, noting, "I didn't expect the elimination to come so soon." We didn't expect your elimination to come so soon either, Shandi. But you know what they say about cheaters...they're not invited to the movies with Lauren.

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America's Next Top Model

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