America's Next Top Model
America's Next Top Model

Episode Report Card
Potes: B+ | 752 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
If You Wanna Go On And Be Funky...

Ann's motivation soon becomes clear as she whines, "Eva, I need you." Julie interviews that she implored Eva to make Ann shut the hell up. Ann says, "Mama, I need you." And by "Mama," she means Eva. Julie says, "This is such a weird relationship." Sing it, Julie, with your sexy husky voice. Soon Ann is lying down with her head in Eva's lap (face up...for now). Eva interviews that she loves wonderful Ann, and that Ann has "underlayers" that no one would expect. Yeah, like a penis. I hate Ann. Ann interviews that Eva "calmed" her, and then Ann fell asleep. And that it was a genuine pleasure to finally be inducted into the mile-high club.

Montego Bay! Some whiteys with the most excellent tans I've ever seen welcome the plane. The girls give a totally spontaneous shout-out to Victoria's Secret. Magdalena really wants to be a model, but it's a risk for her, since she is in school at U-Mass (from which some of the prettiest and most lovely people have graduated, mind you) for nursing, and is giving up a great internship and potential job to go on this show. Oh, hindsight. The girls congregate at the Rockhouse Hotel Restaurant and are welcomed by Jay Manuel. He re-introduces himself and the apparently newly single "Miss" J. Alexander, who looks suspiciously like Whitney Houston in the "How Will I Know" video. Show me the receipts, Diane. Show me the receipts.

Jay describes the fashion shoot as "edgy swimwear." He introduces the "top glam squad" who will work with the girls on all of their shoots. There is a makeup artist, wardrobe consultant, and "the famous Danilo, hair magician," who looks like a crystal-meth ravaged Captain Kangaroo. Seriously, I'm not that picky, but I would nev-uh, ev-uh let a man with a handlebar moustache touch me in any capacity, much less get near my precious hair. Jay then says that he, J., and Tyra will be judging the girls on this photo shoot and that -- gasp! -- the house in New York can only hold thirteen people. Which means that someone will go home immediately after the shoot, and not move into the New York pad. There is a conspicuous absence of whooping. Once the non-eliminated get back to New York, another elimination will be made based on this shoot. In the words of Toccara, "Time to work."

As the girls get made up, Magdalena notes that the competition is fierce. Ann says that she is tired from the nervous breakdown she had on the plane, and also from the sweet, sweet love she made to Eva.

America's Next Top Model

Comments

SHARE THE SNARK

X

Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP