America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Is Co-Dependent

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If You Wanna Go On And Be Funky...

Back in the van. Kelle interviews that she's an outgoing person, but that she's never fit into "the" group, though she doesn't say which group she is speaking of. I imagine it might be one headed up by the legendary Al Jolson. She is often considered to be "a white girl with a really good tan" (not to mention repetitive) and stuck up, but right now things are going great, and she's getting along well with everyone. Cut to Eva, who calls Kelle "whitewash," then to the van, where Eva imitates Kelle, saying (in an exaggerated fashion), "I'm the only black people that live in my white cul-de-sac." Dude, if the girl is calling herself "people," I think racial identity is the least of her problems. Eva finds Kelle irritating and wants her to be blacker. Yaya defends Kelle. Toccara waves her head around as if thinking "Mmm hmmm" but doesn't say much. Man, I seriously hope this subplot doesn't last all season.

At the airport. It's 6 AM. The girls are raggedy and tired. Eva interviews that she did not enter this competition to cultivate any relationships, but that she loves Ann. How deep is your love, Eva? Ann really needs to know. Ann says that she and Eva clicked right away, and that their friendship isn't forced. On the plane, the girls are glad to have a chance to sleep. The captain announces that there is a bit of turbulence ahead. Ann interviews that she hates to fly. Cut to her freaking out on the plane, crying and wailing about how much she hates it. She voices over that she had a bad flight during her freshman year of college and swore to herself that she would never fly again. Yeah, just like that time in her freshman year when she "accidentally" "bumped into" the swim coach naked in the locker room and swore to herself that she was just experimenting.

Ann's motivation soon becomes clear as she whines, "Eva, I need you." Julie interviews that she implored Eva to make Ann shut the hell up. Ann says, "Mama, I need you." And by "Mama," she means Eva. Julie says, "This is such a weird relationship." Sing it, Julie, with your sexy husky voice. Soon Ann is lying down with her head in Eva's lap (face up...for now). Eva interviews that she loves wonderful Ann, and that Ann has "underlayers" that no one would expect. Yeah, like a penis. I hate Ann. Ann interviews that Eva "calmed" her, and then Ann fell asleep. And that it was a genuine pleasure to finally be inducted into the mile-high club.

Montego Bay! Some whiteys with the most excellent tans I've ever seen welcome the plane. The girls give a totally spontaneous shout-out to Victoria's Secret. Magdalena really wants to be a model, but it's a risk for her, since she is in school at U-Mass (from which some of the prettiest and most lovely people have graduated, mind you) for nursing, and is giving up a great internship and potential job to go on this show. Oh, hindsight. The girls congregate at the Rockhouse Hotel Restaurant and are welcomed by Jay Manuel. He re-introduces himself and the apparently newly single "Miss" J. Alexander, who looks suspiciously like Whitney Houston in the "How Will I Know" video. Show me the receipts, Diane. Show me the receipts.

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America's Next Top Model

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