America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Is Contagious

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The Flesh Eaters Are Coming! The Flesh Eaters Are Coming!

Previously: Michelle had a tendency to freak out, to the amusement of all; Tyra told Lluvy that she had the worst photo in ANTM history, which was a total lie; and Brandy was sent back to clown college, from which she'll also be expelled due to her attitude, I assume. Only eleven girls are left! And one of them is about to look even worse!

It is day at the Top Model warehouse apartment. A hoodied Lluvy says it's weird that Brandy is gone, and Tatiana mumbles something like "Ieva bear lish." Seriously, it's totally unintelligible. Why do they put those things in the show? Tatiana then says she thinks it's great, presumably because (a) she hated Brandy, who kind of threatened her, and (b) if Brandy had, stayed Lluvy would be gone. Lluvy says she expected to go home, and that hearing that hers was the worst picture in ANTM history has put more pressure on her. "Holy camole, I'm that girl," she says. And I stand behind anyone who uses the phrase "Holy camole."

Hideous Christina the Head Louse -- who may soon lose that moniker because she's actually been pretty non-offensive (I know, I'm going soft) -- says that Michelle keeps to herself and doesn't try to fit in or make friends. She adds that Michelle's personality is different from those of the other girls. Or, more aptly, "personalities." Michelle hulks around awkwardly and scratches herself. Perhaps she would like some gristle to eat. She tells us that she woke up one morning with a few strange spots on her face that look like burn marks. She's never experienced this before, and doesn't know what it is. Outside, Noelle gossips to Keenyah about Michelle's condition: "Maybe she hurts herself to make herself feel better," and then applies some blush. I'm sorry, but I'm so sure that Michelle is burning her own face while competing in a modeling competition. Does endometriosis travel to the brain? Keenyah jokingly suggests that it might be witchcraft, or that Michelle worships the devil. And I guess it's just as well that we are reminded that the brain-cell count in this household is lower than that in the Oval Office. Noelle exclaims that Michelle has big old scabs. Which, point taken. But can't someone just kindly suggest that Michelle see a doctor?

Tyra Mail! The girls (including Keenyah, who is wearing only underwear and socks and is hastily putting on a robe) come running. "You all have assets, but you also have flaws. See if you can make up for them. Be ready at 2:45 PM." It's lobotomy time! They all guess that their next task will have to do with makeup. Michelle picks at herself awkwardly and thinks about the savory gristle pot pie she's got cooking for dinner.

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America's Next Top Model

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