America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Is Contagious

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The Flesh Eaters Are Coming! The Flesh Eaters Are Coming!

Tatiana tells Tyra that she doesn't really have a home in Hawaii, and that she's been staying on her friends' couches and whatnot. She had a house with her sister, but then her sister kicked her out and stole all of Tatiana's money. Tatiana's mom lives with a boyfriend. So Tatiana sometimes sleeps on the beach. And I totally think she's lying. But let's assume for a minute that she's telling the truth. She's opening up her sad and shameful secret to Tyra, offering her the perfect opportunity to practice some Typrah Winbanks-sized acts of kindness and compassion. And so Tyra says, "Well I say just stay strong. Just keep your eye on the prize. You have a lot to gain." And I mean, that's it? Tyra really has a lot to learn, because Oprah totally would have given Tatiana a Pontiac to live in or sent her to lunch with Maya Angelou or something and really made her feel better. But "eyes on the prize?" I mean, come on.

Noelle misses her kid. What else is new. Her son calls her "Ma Ho," which is short for "Ma Endometri-HO-sis." Tyra lies to Noelle that it's totally acceptable to have a child and be a model, and that you can bring your baby to work with you. And if you want your kid's first toy to be Karl Lagerfeld's coke spoon, I say have at it.

Tyra Mail! "You've all had good and bad critiques. See if you can make up the difference. Be ready at 7:00 AM." The girls groggily exit their warehouse and end up at the Salon at Beverly Hills, where Jay is waiting. He says, "So what did we do yesterday?" He's like that annoying teacher who always asks you what you just learned in a really condescending tone, and then says the answer in unison with you. The girls learned a clean, fresh, natural look yesterday, but are doing something totally different today. He then asks the girls if they know what haute couture is. And I know he's gotten a lot of flak in the forums for his pronunciation, but I actually think he's saying it just fine. And you know that I don't usually cut Jay a break, so I say this reluctantly. In any case, crickets chirp for the girls, who have no idea. Jay is appalled. He tells them that haute couture is elaborate high-fashion runway style (well, he says makeup, but I think he means overall style), and we see some examples of crazy-looking models. The girls will be challenged to create an haute couture makeup look with foundation, blush and eyeshadow, mascara and eyeliner, accessories, and lipsticks. The materials are divided across five stations, and each girl gets forty-five seconds at each. They'll be judged on creativity and originality. The winner and two friends each get "a custom-made one of a kind item from a designer," which sounds glamorous but is actually not.

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America's Next Top Model

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