America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Is Dripping With Hypocrisy

Episode Report Card
Djb: B | Grade It Now!
Shake Ya Not-y

April cries on the phone to her boyfriend that she feels like she's working hard, but that it's never enough. Shandi tells us that April over-analyzes things, which we've still only kind of seen by other people talking about it, rather than, y'know, her actually doing it. Back on the phone, though, April continues, "I can't even say, 'Whatever, I didn't care anyway, I just wanted to win to win.' Because it's not true anymore. This is my dream now. It's my passion." For the last three days. Dude. That's not a particularly sustaining amount of time to know if something is your whole-hearted, all-consuming, overwhelming passion. I mean, if the passion that I've been feeling most strongly only for the past three days were fulfilled, I would have a LOT of clean laundry lying around the place.

And back to the Eliminationary-whatcha-hoozie-whoozie we go. Tyra stands at her usual perch, telling the girls she knows they had "a world-wind [sic] of a week." Whirlwind, Tyra. No "d." All the better for it to make a specious rhyming couplet in your next single. May I suggest "strong wind"?

Prizes. Judges. Tony Michaels is chillin' as the guest judge.

Shandi is first for her individual evaluation. We watch her tall, lanky frame kick it in fishnets in black-and-white. For good measure, they even added a bunch of random jargon at the bottom of the screen to make it look like we're watching a "rough cut." Tyra loves it, and Nigel says that he finds Shandi "as sexy" as he's ever found her. Just hands off the you-know-where, you British lothario cheeky bum-looker, you.

Camille looks good! She wearing some color and her hair is all long and down. Uh-oh. Is the tide shifting on Camille? Have they gotten to me, too? Tyra, not so much: "I feel like you have a lot of fire inside you. But it's like you were holding back." Janice -- who did not have nearly enough screen time this week -- merely gets to add, "You didn't give any kind of, like, heat." Camille offers nothing more than a forced "thank you," and takes her leave. Where she goes to the back. And eats the head off a live baby bird.

Janice on Sara: "It was somewhere between a bad music video backup dancer and, like, a belly dancer at a Greek restaurant." Oh, trust me, Janice. It was much, MUCH closer to the first one.

Mercedes didn't so much do the choreography.

April looks like "she has to go to the emergency room," according to Janice. Nigel, to the collective surprise of no one, thinks she was too clinical! ["If by 'clinical' he means 'herky-jerky and soulless,' I am right there with him." -- Wing Chun] Give him a second and I bet he'll also find a way not to like Yoanna's body.

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America's Next Top Model




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