America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Is Dripping With Hypocrisy

Episode Report Card
Djb: B | Grade It Now!
Shake Ya Not-y

Yeah, so they show Yoanna falling. "What the hell was that?" Janice asks. Tony says she didn't take her time. Tyra says she was off-beat. Nigel tells her she has "a gorgeous face" and leaves it at that.

Alone with the judges now, Janice thinks Mercedes is "capital I-T." Nigel hates Yoanna's motion, and he thinks he should be out. Janice thinks Sara is a "belly-dancing stripper," but Tyra thinks she'd fit in at a photo shoot with Tyra, which is clearly high praise. Tony loves April, but, seriously, Nigel thinks she's too clinical. You guys? I know it's the same girls every week, but it's also the same audience. Shake it up a little or just let Janice have her own planet already. Janice "wants to see an Asian girl win." Why, Janice? Do you know one? They all celebrate Camille's lack of attitude this week, but Janice worries, "But is that an act? Maybe it's like a multiple personality!" Hee. Everyone loves Shandi.

Which is why she's still in the running to become America's Next Top Model! And so is Mercedes. And Camille. And April. Oh, dear sweet Jesus.

Yoanna and Sara will please step forward. "Yoanna," Tyra says, "you were so all over the place and so unfocussed. And sometimes you only get one chance." Yoanna's perfect green eyes well with tears. Sara is "sexy," but the judges worry that it's the kind of sexiness that will only translate to men's magazines. Yoanna's bawling, even though Sara's just been pegged the porno star.

Because it's all about her this week, Tyra sees Yoanna's tears and bursts out, "I'm starting something new in my life, something that I'm putting myself out there for the world to put me in the position that you are all in now. So who am I to stand here and tell you that you have to leave when I'm starting something that the world is going to be criticizing me." Okay, enough with the global kangaroo court of the media viability of Tyra Banks. Seriously. While the nine people who watch this show are an educated group of viewers who highly prize television and its brilliance, there really are still only nine of us. Nine of us who watch Sara get booted, and all the girlies cry. Yoanna doesn't even go to get her picture, but instead turns around and hugs Sara, who is standing in the middle of the room unabashedly bawling. Tyra gives her a big hug, and Sara makes for the door in slo-mo. "This is my dream!" she voices over, and we cut to her face literally drooling mascara as she tells us that this is not going to stop her from making her dream come true. I've got a Photoshopped photograph you're being faded from that tells me how wrong you are.

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America's Next Top Model




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