America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Is Dripping With Hypocrisy

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Shake Ya Not-y

Yoanna's sublet on Fashion Avenue (does it also say "Madison Avenue" sometimes?) seems to have come to an end. She's slumming it in an ol'-fashioned confessional booth that looks like it was cribbed from The Real World Louisiana Territories. I'm saying it looks a mite old-fashioned, is what I'm saying. And crammed into that tiny room are (a) Yoanna and (b) Mercedes and (c) cameras and (d) us. Yoanna, always the crack-up, kicks it off thusly: "My impression of April is this." Then she does nothing. Mercedes cracks up. "It's the truth!" Yoanna insists in a hoity voice. "She looks constipated." Mercedes, who has lupus, tells us that April is "over-analytical," deeming this quality "annoying," and we're back in la confessional à deux, where Yoanna continues on in an April impersonation, complaining that April talks too much. Which is also what she said about Camille when Yoanna was talking too much about how much other people seemed to be talking, not that I don't love Yoanna because I want her to beat everyone, including Camille, who I just want her to beat up real, real bad.

"Well, I have something I've got to tell you," Shandi tells Eric, and she announces kind of proudly that she danced with another boy at a club. Without pause or hesitation, Eric shoots back, "Did he touch your butt?" Excuse me? What a strange area to all of a sudden to be concerned with. Not, "Did he kiss you?" or even "Who the hell do you think you are, some kind of supermodel?" He volleys back that the whole thing is just "dripping with hypocrisy," and when Shandi tells him that she might not have mentioned that she has a boyfriend to this strange plot device -- er, I mean "boy" -- Eric hangs up on her. Thank you, reality television, for a Montana and Vaj relationship played out over one episode of hastily assembled footage, delivering the same emotional punch without ever making us look at Montana and Vaj. Well done. ["I just want to add in Shandi's clearly gay boyfriend's defense that the only response her could have to the news that Shandi was flirting with another prospect, without telling him that Eric was in the picture, is to hang up on her. He's justified there, in my view." -- Wing Chun]

The boy/girl ratio was apparently deemed a little too "Seventh-Grade Dance" for the fine folks over at Banks Inc. (oh, to have "Eternal Flame" come on at the end of the night and discover Shandi just standing alone, like the pig at the pig party, the bassist in the band), so they shipped in an extra musical superstar besides those two previously announced. Let's hear it from a somewhat drunk-sounding Shandi, slumped on the chair next to the phone, touching her own butt just for spite: "We're gonna go have dinner with Ol' Dirty Bastard, RZA, and Kinetic." Aaaaw, no Inspectah Deck? Maybe his absence will lessen Yoanna's obvious sadness at not being chosen to go. The three gentlemen enter the ZoLoft, and everyone exchanges introductory kisses. Shandi tells us that she's excited about meeting new people, but that she's not sure how Eric -- her boyfriend, in case you forgot -- "is going to take it." Just as Shandi did. Right on the butt.

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America's Next Top Model

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