Tyra Mail! "True beauty comes from a solid foundation. Be ready at 6:00 AM." They do not show the girls speculating upon what this means, because even a three-headed moron could figure it out, and what's the fun and potential for wacky music in that?
The girls head to a studio, where they meet Jay Manuel, formerly known as Small Orange Man, who I must admit has been far less annoying than usual this season. I even might kind of like him a tiny little bit. I know, I know, I have let you down and you can now tar me and roll me in Tang in effigy. Jay tells the girls what we all already know: that Cover Girl can buy and sell this show like the cheap and cakey foundation that's found on the shelves of your local CVS, and don't you forget it. The girls will film a Cover Girl commercial and also have a photo shoot. The winner's photo will appear as a national ad. The commercial, however, will appear nowhere, because everyone correctly expects that it will suck. Jay tells the girls that they'll be shilling the latest foundation to join the Cover Girl family, TruBlend Powder Foundation, which nobody else has even seen, much less worn. Note that you never see the disclaimer, "These products not tested on dumb-ass reality-show contestants" on cosmetic labels. I am so willing to sacrifice them if it means the bunnies will remain unharmed. The commercial is all about girls with good skin, which seems to makes sense.
Jay then introduces someone who can relate to the girls: former ANTM winner Naima Mora. We see brief snippets of Naima's My Life as a Cover Girl commercials, which remind us what a pathetic future the winner of this competition most likely has in store. The girls act happy to see Naima, but it is clear that, in the hierarchy of former winners, she really can't touch La Pigford. Naima gives the helpful advice that the girls should think about how much they want to be the next Cover Girl, and transmit that in their photographs. Nicole is excited and wants to nail the shoot.
As the girls get made up, Jay gives them their script. He says that most people would die to have a cosmetics contract. I kind of wish that maybe a third of the people who really do want a cosmetics contract actually would die, just to help Mother Nature out with the housekeeping a little. I know plenty of plants and animals who could use the oxygen those people are taking up. The script is exactly seven lines long. Bre and Nik try to learn their lines. The stylist asks Nik if she's nervous, because she was terrified about the Secret commercial. Nik interviews that she's studying like crazy because she bombed the Secret gig. But in all fairness, she was rattled by the theft of her secret, and also by the fact that the producers wouldn't let her tell her real secret, "Every night I enjoy a three-course dinner, but I always leave room to have Visa for dessert."













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