America's Next Top Model
America's Next Top Model

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Potes: A- | 645 USERS: C+
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Sister Sledgehammer

Bre is next, and notes that smiling through a photo shoot is hard. Oh, boo hoo. Think about the plight of the migrant workers who spend hours in the fields picking granola for your tasting pleasure, and then get back to me about heavy labor. Bre says that she's trying to think about something really funny so that her pose doesn't look dead and forced.

Finally, we have Nicole, who notes that it's really important that she rock the photo shoot, since she bombed on the commercial. Perennial photographer Jim DeYonker tells her that she presses her tongue against the front of her teeth when she smiles, and that she needs to stop doing that. Nicole interviews that that's her smile, so it's hard to change. Think about the plight of the workers who spend hours reading books aloud to blind birds, and then get back to me about difficult jobs. Nicole says that having an amazing picture will save her.

Bre and Nik talk about how they did, and Bre is surprised to learn that Nik thinks she did better on the commercial than she did on the photo shoot. Jay is also surprised, saying that he thought that Nik would have the worst performance, that Nicole would have the best performance (he adds, "because she's been so cocky," which seems a funny way to judge someone's potential), and that Bre would be somewhere in the middle. Jay says that the girls are flipping it upside down, which goes to show that you may think you know who's going to be America's Net Top Model, but you really don't. Unless you've seen the show already, in which case you totally know. When a reality show ends, doesn't it seem like old news, like, a nanosecond later?

Tyra Mail! One of you stank bitches is going home. Nik interviews that Bre might be the biggest competition because she's been in the bottom two four times in a row, and that maybe the judges are keeping her for a reason. Yes, to annoy me. Seriously, I like Bre well enough, but they have to be kidding that she stuck around for this long. Bre says that she hopes she doesn't go home when she's so close to completing the competition. Nicole says that she's very nervous about the elimination, since she completely failed at the Cover Girl commercial.

And with that, we segue to Panel, featuring what is perhaps the ugliest photo of Tyra Banks I have ever seen. She is crazy-looking and bug-eyed and her weave is all scraggly. I feel like that was someone's practical joke on Tyra, like maybe Janice snuck into the UPN studios at night and edited it in. But before I recap the proceedings, allow me to give ANTM a big thumbs-up for keeping with the one-hour finale format with the mid-episode elimination. I love this show as much as anyone, but even I couldn't take this stupid shit for two hours. So bravo! Tyra introduces the judges. The guest judges are fashion designers Vanya Strok and Nargess Gharani. Just when you think that we haven't met these people and this doesn't make any sense at all and WHERE THE HELL IS JIM DEYONKER, Tyra explains that the two finalists will "be starring in" a Gharani Strok fashion show.

America's Next Top Model

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