America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Is On The Cover

Episode Report Card
Potes: B+ | Grade It Now!
Sister Sledgehammer

Tyra Mail! One of you stank bitches is going home. Nik interviews that Bre might be the biggest competition because she's been in the bottom two four times in a row, and that maybe the judges are keeping her for a reason. Yes, to annoy me. Seriously, I like Bre well enough, but they have to be kidding that she stuck around for this long. Bre says that she hopes she doesn't go home when she's so close to completing the competition. Nicole says that she's very nervous about the elimination, since she completely failed at the Cover Girl commercial.

And with that, we segue to Panel, featuring what is perhaps the ugliest photo of Tyra Banks I have ever seen. She is crazy-looking and bug-eyed and her weave is all scraggly. I feel like that was someone's practical joke on Tyra, like maybe Janice snuck into the UPN studios at night and edited it in. But before I recap the proceedings, allow me to give ANTM a big thumbs-up for keeping with the one-hour finale format with the mid-episode elimination. I love this show as much as anyone, but even I couldn't take this stupid shit for two hours. So bravo! Tyra introduces the judges. The guest judges are fashion designers Vanya Strok and Nargess Gharani. Just when you think that we haven't met these people and this doesn't make any sense at all and WHERE THE HELL IS JIM DEYONKER, Tyra explains that the two finalists will "be starring in" a Gharani Strok fashion show.

Tyra introduces the girls' completed commercial. The beginning is a riot, as there are the fakest-looking superimposed London punks in the background. The rest of it is pretty standard fare, and also cute. Nik does indeed stand out, as does Bre's New York accent. The former is a good thing; the latter, not so much. When the commercial is through, Miss J. says that he got the chills. Tyra says that the girls look like a rainbow -- chocolate, vanilla, and caramel. Somewhere, Roy G. Biv ruefully says, "Bitches." Tyra says that Nik did the best by far, and adds that the commercial director said that she stood out.

Bre is up first for evaluation, and Tyra reminds the girls that this ad is the first of "many" for the winner that will run nationally. Miss J. says his only criticism of her photo is that her smile looks a bit tight. Twiggy says that she looks very pretty. Tyra says that they had a hard time picking a photo of Bre, because while they were all pretty, they weren't necessarily very modelesque. The judges take a look at her commercial shoot which, as we know, wasn't the greatest. Twiggy says it's a shame that Bre was grasping for words, because she has a great voice. I do kind of like her raspy voice, I have to say. Nigel says that he did like that Bre's performance was very personal, and that her personality was there. Eh.

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America's Next Top Model




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