HFM [prominently displaying product] Well now I am.
You know, nothing is ever going to live up to the pinnacle that was "Smells like cupcakes." This is why Harper Lee never wrote another novel.
Tyra Mail. Tomorrow you meet with the judges. Someone is going home. Toccara says that everyone is iffy about the panel, and that even though she was down during the week, she's going to be her fabulous self and give it all that she has. Eva calls herself a punk, and says that she feels like shit. She doesn't know if her pictures will reflect how upset she was. Ann is also nervous, because she's consistently so awful.
Panel. Usually we are introduced with a shot of Tyra in which she poses using the same concept as the models. Not this time, though. ["I refuse to work with that bitch. Her forehead makes me look much too diminutive." -- Harry T. Rantula] Tyra and her new, giant 'fro welcome the girls. It totally beats down Yaya's 'fro, because it is the biggest and baddest 'fro of all. It doesn't actually have a pick sticking out of it, but it totally could. Prizes. Judges. Tyra calls Janice "the first supermodel to exist ever on this planet," and Janice reiterates, "First!" Nigel and Nolé are there, of course, but no Empress Minnie. And the guest judge is Grimley, who looks worse than ever. Grimley administers the girls' test. They are given a choice of five hats and must build a wardrobe around one in fifteen minutes. Janice models the leather cap with her collagen implants (and other implants) on full display, and totally looks like she could be on the cover of the video "Slut Biker Hos in Lesbo-land." The hats are: biker, kente cloth, tiara, '40s veil and feather, and straw cowboy. While Grimley talks, Janice puts the cap on backwards. She has no attention span, or concept of where she is. The girls have fifteen minutes.
They return in their gear. Nicole is first. She's wearing the leather hat with the tiara on top, along with ripped jeans, a skull-and-crossbones tanktop, and a spiked dog collar. I am amazed that she had all those things in her wardrobe. Nigel is scared of her, and Grimley says that her look is too fantasy, and not fashion. Ann is all, "Believe you me, dykes on bikes are a total reality." The judges ooh and ahh over Nicole's photo, although Grimley says that it looks more like an album cover. The judges are unimpressed with Toccara's simple jeans and white tank top with the cowboy hat. Janice is surprised that she didn't come out all, "Yeee haw! I'm Toccara!" Toccara is really subdued in reaction to the judges' comments. Janice says that, in her photo, the tarantula is taking over the photo and the jewelry and that it looks like "a big hairy mole. A tarantula mole." ["Shut up, chicks with dicks." -- Harry T. Rantula] Nolé says that it's a great shot for the spider. ["Yes!" -- Harry T. Rantula] Janice asks Toccara how she felt with a live spider on her face. Toccara says calmly that it was a great experience. Janice screams, "That's it? Who are you? Pull it out! What the hell happened?" Tyra notes that something's weird, and that Toccara seems to have checked out. Nigel tells her to re-install her personality chip. Hmm. Toccara totally knows she's out, doesn't she?