America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Is Panic Stricken

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Along Came A Spider

Finally, Toccara comes out looking great in her dress, and then says she is wearing "John...Paul...Gott-ee-air..." and laughs at her own pronunciation deficiency. And I'm just saying that anyone who has witnessed Madonna in her cone boobs bustier stage should know how to pronounce "Gaultier." Sarah agrees that this is poor form.

While waiting for their results, the girls discuss how no one with a brain would honestly answer Toothella's prying questions. This prompts Norelle to pipe up and say to Yaya, "I said your name in mine! Ha!" The best part of this is that Norelle seems to have no regrets about the whole thing. She says that she told Sarah that Yaya had a wall built up, which was understandable. Yaya says in a fakey high voice, "No comment. Ha!" She is totally taken aback. She interviews that she "wasn't weally supwised" because Norelle is flaky and the two have not made a connection. I love how it's Norelle's fault for being flaky and not Yaya's for being an asshat.

Sarah says that the girls did well overall, and that sometimes the red carpet can be a scary place. Particularly if Sharon Stone breaks her restraining order and comes within fifty feet of it. Yes, the red carpet tried to file a restraining order against Sharon Stone, and I personally think it made a good case. Sarah generally compliments everyone, but says that Norelle shouldn't name names and that Yaya had a bit of a diva attitude, which sometimes comes across badly. Eva interviews, "Yaya, she has diva syndrome, which translated as a bitch." And yes, I know that it's all wrong grammatically, but you can't argue with the message. Sarah admonishes Toccara for not knowing how to pronounce her designer's name. In the end, Yaya wins the competition. Eva's face immediately drops. Like, she doesn’t even pretend to be anything other than horrified. Awesome. Ann interviews that Yaya has won three challenges in a row: "Are you kidding?" Yaya says that it feels good to win. She chooses Norelle to share in her prize, saying that she doesn't understand why Norelle wouldn't like her. I have a few hours of footage and twenty-odd pages of forums that might clue her in. Yaya interviews that she chose Norelle to make her feel that Yaya is more approachable and warmer. It's all about the illusion, since Yaya is obviously neither. Poor Norelle, forced to make dinner conversation with her.

Yaya's prize is a meal prepared in the apartment by Nu Kitchen, which, in Norelle's words, is "boys that, like, come to your house and cook." Norelle says she feels like Yaya has a wall built up, but that it's understandable, since they are in a competition and she might not want to get too close to people. No, Norelle, it's because she thinks she's better than everyone else. Don't be fooled. But then, the world's greatest thing happens. Yaya says, "Maybe it is a wall, you know, with nine blocks that spell out 'competition." Which is awesome, because 'competition' has eleven letters. And even better -- and I had to watch the scene about four times before I caught this -- after she says this, Norelle kind of looks to the side for a second, deep in thought, and smiles a little. Because even fucking Norelle can count. Yaya, you are dumber than Norelle. To that, I say a big fat, "Ha!" Yaya's reply to all of this, of course, would be, "Actually, I was allocating one block for every letter in 'competito.' I have this pesky habit of thinking in POR-TU-GAYSE. I must have picked that up during my time at an Ivy League university." Yaya says that she has no tolerance for fakeness, that she can sum up Norelle by the word "growth," and then says that she doesn't hear Norelle speak a lot, but that when she does, she says profound things. Norelle, all the while, is picking her teeth with a stirrer. Profoundly. Norelle interviews that she is glad that she got the opportunity to get to know Yaya a little better. Norelle is really just too nice.

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America's Next Top Model




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