America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Is Rushed To The Emergency Room

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Potes: B+ | 1 USERS: A+
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To Wong Furonda

Meanwhile, Danielle reads a few scriptures from the Bible, which helps her to get where she needs to be in the midst of a draining competition. You want a winner's edit? I think that might be it.

Tyra Mail! "You will find yourself in a strange position tomorrow." Too bad Nnenna isn't here to say, "We'll be with guys?" The much more innocent-despite-her-stripper-aspirations Joanie conjectures that maybe they'll be in a circus. Please let Jade play "Roy."

The girls head off in their Van of the Future, and talk about how exhausted they are. Furonda says that they are constantly in motion, and wind up going to bed at 2 AM and waking up at 6 in the morning. Danielle says that Furonda is putting too much thought into it and is choking. Furonda needs to calm down, chill out, focus, and regroup. And that, in fact, is pretty good advice for all situations. The girls end up at the Patravadi Theatre, where they meet artistic director Patravadi Mejudhon, who has big square glasses and is widely known as the "Thai Woody Allen." She will be teaching the girls Thai classical dance, which requires expressiveness of both the face and body, and thus might be helpful to them as models. The girls watch four Thai classical dancers, who move their hands around a lot and move in short, quick little steps. Joanie says that the Thai dancers are breathtaking to watch, and that their movements are very precise. Jade notes how impressive their flexible wrists are.

Patravadi teaches the girls some basic movements. Danielle interviews that she's not feeling very well and has a bad migraine, but she knows that she has to keep going -- even through sickness. Jade says that the Thai moves are very intricate and also tell a story. Indeed, there is a motion for "I am" and "flowers" and "birds" and "love" and "shyness." I hope that Patravadi teaches the motion for "moron," so we can watch Jade do it over and over again. Patravadi says that it's important that the image of the hands looks good in the camera, and we get a quick picture of Tyra just to remind us that she is the best, and none of these skinny bitches will ever compare. You don't see people getting their dreams (that cost $500 or less) fulfilled on The Jade Show -- weekday mornings at 10, check your local listings -- do you? I didn't think so. Patravadi tells the girls that women's hands never go above the eyes, because high hands are a sign of arrogance. Jade interviews that she thanks Patravadi for letting her know that, because she doesn't have an ounce of arrogance in her body. How would she have room amongst the pounds of stupidity? Furonda says that her biggest weakness in the competition is her nerves, and adds that she doesn't retain information that quickly. That doesn't really make any sense, but I need to save my "dumb" jokes for Jade, so I'm just going to move on.

Patravadi teaches the girls the motion for anger, which involves placing your palm against the side of your jaw and then moving it sharply down while yelling, "Ugh!" in a vaguely sexual manner. We get a montage of this, which confirms my suspicion that Patravadi is a wildcat in bed. She shows the girls -- who are wearing Thai Hammer pants -- how to walk slowly in a method where your knees are bent quite a bit. Then they shuffle around in the little steps. A blurry camera reinforces to us that Danielle is not feeling well, and she tells us that things are getting faint to her and it feels like she's having an out-of-body experience. Welcome to being Jade. Patravadi says that the girls have learned a lot and she will give them time to practice. She tells them to be creative and beautiful, but not arrogant. Jade is all, "Oh no, not me!" Joanie interviews that Danielle has been woozy all day, and that because Danielle is so strong, it's particularly troubling to see her feeling so unwell. Danielle sits with her head in her hands, and Jade tells her that you've got to have fun with the Thai dance. The girls go to lunch, and Danielle starts to suspect that she might have a genuine, bona fide "illsness."

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America's Next Top Model

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